The Latest Low-down on Lyndsay!

Lohan credits aversion specialist Buzz Dallday for showing her the downside of the party lifestyle. "I'm just happy to be touching these youngsters anyway I can . . . help," said Dallday.

So tan she looked like she's been wrestling with her demons in mud and filth, Lyndsay Loo made her grand and grimy return to El Ciudad del Tinsel over the weekend. For now it would appear that if she's heading for the deep end again at least she's starting in the shallow side of the pool. Lyndz and her girls went to a movie and a tanning salon (there's nothing like good old fake California sunshine).

It's something of a truism among former addicts that in order to successfully kick your bad habits to the curb, you have to replace it/them with something. Something to do with yourself, a healthier activity that occupies your time and hopefully keeps your mind off the party favors. Hitting the gym, reading, crossword puzzles (myself when I gave up the bottle, I became a nudist.)

Being a nudist is the simplest diversion you could ever hope to find. Seriously, unless I tell them, no one has the slightest idea that underneath my clothes lurks a stark raving nudist. I can't get enough of it and it's free! Lyndsay, sweetie listen up - salvation is as easy as slipping out of something more comfortable. Heavens, she's already well on her way! She's a natural, I can only think of one little aperture that Lyndz hasn't introduced to the Lens.

Sadly Lyndsay had to leave behind her new "sugar boy" Riley to languish and pine in the trees of Utah. I hope he's a Mormon and they hook up tight as a drum. The tabloids would have a field day calling them LoMo. "LoMo were spotted on the Gogo in Soho, which is a NoNo - she's on Pa-RoLo! Oh-No she's heading back to ProVo." Whaddaya think, come on it was at least SoSo. But I do wish the best for LL, I'm just afraid she's going to abuse the tanning booth as she struggles to right the ship.

Afterall fall is in the air and that Thanksgiving turkey is roasting golden brown. I hope it doesn't burn, because before you know it, it'll be Chrispness-time. Okay, okay I can hear the groans through my speakers. It's too early for a Christmas joke to work? Unless of course you're like me and celebrate the spirit of Christmas all year round. Come on - Dare To Love Me? Actually that's the title of the movie LL is expected on the set for, even as I write. And that's the way it is, Monday Oct 15. Here's wishing that you and yours truly find the joys of the season bla bla bla