Two Signs of the Second Coming

"Dude, Jude Law rules. Get it Law rules - 'cause like laws are like rules with cops. I'm so wasted, I should smack myself in the head with a shoe. Na na na na-na-na na - Hey Jude." Wow I used to be funny, what the hell happened?

I apologize for my silence yesterday, Comic-con is coming up and Adam reminded me that I should get a few copies of my script – the future best picture nominated Fanclub, ready in case the big opportunity arises. After my latest revision I needed to proof it, before running off the copies that I'll be slipping into Spielberg, Scorcese and Dennis Dugan's hands. It ended up taking all day. In any case it was a busy news day and three stories caught my eye and have thus been dragged through the dread Bone machine. Ergo -

A lot of times you read about this Movie Star or that Rock Star using their access to the media to further their political proclivities. Most of the time it just strikes you as shameless grandstanding - just to make sure the spotlight swings their way. Oftimes such political posturing coincidentally occurs within days of the release of a film or record that said outspoken (can we use the L word?) Lesbian might be closely involved with. Oops did I put Lesbian? I meant Lesberal, Liberal. I mean if we're going to call a Spade a small gardening shovel then let's just dispense with the PCBS.

While it may be true that celebrity activism is often motivated by more than just the issues, it does my heart good to put you up on one that really seems genuinely, well genuine. I mean this thing is just legitimately legit. In response to a hunger strike started by anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, some of Hollywood's usual suspects have joined Cindy in her hunger strike. Yes, Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, Danny Glover and career activist Dick Gregory will be joining Sheehan by putting down the spoon and fork and going hungry in an effort to get our troops out of Iraq.

It's nice to see these celebrity/pundits put their morals where there mouth is. True it's not a real hunger strike, it's called a "hunger relay" (one star will fast for 24 hours, then pass the baton to the next who will then abstain from eating for 24 hours etc.) Personally I don't think I've ever been so moved by this courageous show of conviction – if you count sleep that's 16 grueling hours of foodless hell – can you imagine, I think I'd be tempted to bite my fingernails during such punishing deprivation. In any case my hat is off to Susan and Danny and Sean. It's too bad Sean was born without a sense of humor (which he so convincingly demonstrated on Oscar night when host Chris Rock was joking around about having never heard of actor Jude Law who was nominated for several awards that night. Sean missed the facetious-factor and evidently his people (at least the ones in charge of doing his thinking) were not able to intercept the actor in time to prevent him from taking the stage in defense of Jude Law, thereby making a colossal ass of himself) God bless the Oscars they've given joke writers so much rich and tasty material over the years. We feel like the Kings of the World, because you like us, you really like us

In any case Penn had the chance to make some remark to the effect that this is the second "Fast" Times he's been a part of, but again for all his dramatic brilliance thinking on his feet isn't exactly his forte. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I think the line is all that funny or clever, but Penn needs to start somewhere, or he's gonna be starring in South Park for the rest of his career. In any case, kudos to the Hollywood super-libs for giving us blog-jokesters some food for thought.

While we're on the topic of bizarre celebrity news, it was recently reported that David Hasselhoff has recently overtaken Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as the most searched-for name on the internet's search engines. If I'm not mistaken that's one of the signs of the Second Coming. I'll have to leaf through revelations, but I'm pretty sure there's something in there like "and in the last days there will arise a figure of Germanic descent who will perform all manner of false miracles (talking to cars – taking credit for the fall of the Berlin Wall, the success of Baywatch?) A man who will arise from the profane world of entertainment and lay claim to the nation once beguiled by the second anti-Christ. Thou shalt know the end is upon the children of man when his utterance "kicking ass with class" becomes an international catch-phrase. Alas, woe be unto those who would use his foul and godless music to gain advantage at the free throw line, for it shall surely lead unto defeat at the hands of the Gog and Magog of the south – for thou shalt O'kneel in Mourning for thy transgression and Wade into the waters of doom - Shackled and scorned."

I'm gonna double check the scriptures, because I may be off by a comma here and there, but you get the gist. Another sign of the Second Coming was recently announced. Of all the abominations of late, none is more disheartening than the news that the Mecca of cool, the birthplace of punk and new wave, New York's landmark venue CBGB's is closing it's doors and nay dare I speak it – is moving to GASP!!! Las Vegas. The announcement was made and the grand re-opening will feature Billy Crystal. It's not like I have anything too terribly personal against Billy Crystal, but the whole thing might have gone down a little smoother if they would have opened it with a Blondie or Talking Heads reunion – as it stands Joey Ramone is no doubt rolling in his grave – as for the rest of us "We wanna be sedated."