Britney Beat (subtitled)

Kaplan - keeping his cool.

The following legalese has been translated into Brit-speak for your convenience or your amusement

Mark Vincent Kaplan, the attorney representing Kevin Federline in his on-going custody case with Britney Spears, says he's not "mad" about Brit missing her deposition Wednesday. "I can move forward with her or without her," ("I can so totally roll with or without that skank,") "But there will be a request to the court to address some kind of remedy to what I see as a willful non-appearance." . ("But if the bitch thinks she can get away with shining me again, I'm gonna go so legal on her ass it won't even be funny.")

Britney was scheduled to be deposed (grilled) at Kaplan's office Wednesday, but called in sick (hungover) at the last minute. Later that night, Brit was spotted driving around until 2 o'clock in the morning! (Couldn't find her apartment)

"It's not fourth grade where you get a doctor's note and it's all OK. She was ordered to attend. And if there's a legitimate reason for her not to attend she would have to establish that," Kaplan explained. "This deposition was a court ordered proceeding. So it's a serious thing." (It's not like we're playing Barbies, it's not a play date, this is like real life and shit.)