Cruise Discovers Comic Genius

"Once again I want to thank the Women's Auxilliary for another awesome "Bake Off" And while I'm on the subject I want to assure you all that Kate does not have another bun in the pod/I mean oven."

This one's a Godsend. I went back and forth on the lead title, rejecting such possibles as "I know Victoria's Secret - She's Controlled by famous Alien." Or perhaps "She Bends it for Beckham?" (too saucy?) I'm just going to let you read this one straight (no jokes necessary). Sometimes this Bonejob is easy.

Victoria Beckham is reportedly set to star in Tom Cruise's new Scientology film. The Spice Girl has apparently been lined up to play an alien bride in The Thetan - based on the bizarre sci-fi cult, which believes in alien life forms.

Victoria is said to be "thrilled" about getting her big Hollywood break. A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Victoria is really hoping to make a go of it in Hollywood. This could be the perfect start for her, with good pal Tom Cruise in charge."

The 32-year-old - who made her first attempt at acting in the 1997 Spice Girls movie Spice World - will play the bride of an alien leader called a thetan, which Scientologists claim is an immortal spiritual being, present in all humans.

Cruise - who is bankrolling the project himself after it was rejected by all the major film studios - is said to have picked Victoria for the role after being impressed by her "comic genius".

Victoria - who is married to soccer superstar David Beckham - is currently looking to buy a property in Los Angeles after recently landing a presenting role on a new US fashion program.

Wow! I don't even know what Spice Girl she was - Comic Genius Spice? If I were her I'd be Scared Spice. Sorry gotta go Thetan needs to check his E-mail.