Hoff The Wagon

Aaaagh, y'know it was me MEEE who tore down that godamn wall. I kicked and scratched and ran over it with my car, until it looked like so much hamburger meat. Just me, nobody else I ended communism, and and I'm gonna have to live with that, y'know?"

David Hasselhoff burst into tears as the curtain came down on his stint in Las Vegas stage show The Producers last night. The troubled actor, whose daughter video taped a drunken half naked rant, catching the worldwide superstar rolling around on the floor in a hamburger he was trying to eat, growling incoherant obscenities at his daughter. His daughter taped the frightening display to show her father what he was like when he drank, plus ET paid her a fortune. Nevertheless, Hasselhoff received a standing ovation as he took his final bow at the Paris hotel and casino. And among the flowers in his dressing room was an enormous bouquet from Alec Baldwin.

David sobbed, "I just wanted to say I will be back and thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's been a fantastic experience. Playing a cross-dressing Nazi has been such a dream come true - just to be able to declare all the Leiderhosen I've bought over the years as a tax write off, that's just huge for me personally and it's just a shame that other professional commitments have forced me to leave the production."