Huge Pig Ousts Sizemore

A crashing boar.

A Wild Pig which weighed 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail, was killed in the wilds of Alabama by 17 year old Jamison Stone. The record-setting swine will bump the current holder of the worlds largest pig, actor Tom Sizemore out of the number one spot. Sizemore, who responded to the news with characteristic truculance claims that he still holds the record for largest living wild pig and thinks that death should disqualify the enormous boar, "say if, God forbid, someone were to pop me, I wouldn't expect to hang on to the award if I died. What are they gonna do, bury it with a medal or some stupid sh** like that? Cause that's just disrespectful to pigs everywhere. Why don't they just make a purse out of its ear and toss that in there too. He's gonna need some place to keep the medal right?" Whereupon Tom was overcome by a fit of laughter and gasping desperately for breath he began chanting 'How can you get More Size than Sizemore?' Eventually vomiting on the reporter, which only caused him to laugh harder - Sizemore soon lost consciousness after aspirating some of the regurge and was rushed to the hospital.

In spite of Sizemore's vehement protests, Stone graciuosly accepted the award and later summed up the entire media circus that has resulted from his hunting skills with the insightful question, "Who's Tom Sizemore?"