Blue Cross Blues

(As a quick preface to this latest discourse, let me just quickly explain that I live in Utah - where the only two health insurance choices are monopolized by Blue Cross and IHC.)

I don't think I could name all seven of the deadly sins without asking Kevin Spacey, but I've got a sneaking suspicion that before this rant has run I will have, at least, trampled my way across the deadly ground of Envy and Anger. I can't help myself with the Envy thing. In fact I'd say I'm downright jealous of anybody who has a job that provides good Health Insurance benefits. Those lucky buggers can just cruise through life - free to get into car wrecks and catch any fancy disease they damn well please. I know how sweet it is, because I used to be one of them. Doin' 90 in a 65, eatin nachos off my lap, blabbering away on the cell on my way to the beach party - pretty much laughing in the face of death and dismemberment. "When you got free H.I. - you ain't never gonna die!"

These days the wife and I are self-employed and even though neither of us have ever been seriously injured, each month our checking account gets beaten black and blue Cross courtesy of the fine folks at IHC. The reason I've chosen now to transgress the big A of the Seven Deadly's is because as of July 1st the price of H.I. is goin' sky high. Regardless which company is already charging you a small fortune for underwriting your potential misfortune, by the time you read this you will have become poorer.

As some of you may know in Canada they have socialized medicine (true you pay a little higher tax), but health care and medical attention is free. Thus, near the first of each month as I bend over to allow IHC to performs it's automated cashectomy from my lily-white assets, I think fondly of Canada. Seriously the place looks alot like Utah, and sure I'd miss all the Mormons and so forth, but once a month I hear the call of the Great White North - the salmon fishing . . . the beer. I suppose it's common knowledge that back in the 60s alot of American boys sought refuge in Canada in order to avoid the "Draft." And the closer my health insurance payment gets to my mortgage payment, the more I find myself tempted to move up there just to avoid the "Shaft."

Canada's system has it's detractors, but it's proven itself for over ten years now and you ask any Canadian if they like having free health care and you won't hear many complaints. In case you hadn't noticed health care in America is a tad pricey - particularly if you're self employed. Thus, in order to prevent financial ruin in case of some sort of health catastrophe, each and every month many of us have to turn our heads and cough-up 3 to 400 dollars for which we basically receive nothing in return. No SUV, ATV, cable TV or high-speed internet - it's really alot more like jack squat. Perhaps a measure of security? Some may argue - peace of mind? If that makes you feel better, fine. And maybe it's just me, but paying that much money for nothing, sorta makes me feel - I dunno - like I'm getting screwed. You'd think they'd throw in a free massage twice a year - maybe dinner and a movie? I mean if you're gonna screw me, some sort of token gesture would seem in order. A nice card perhaps - "Thanks for all of that money you sent/ if you lose a limb we'll pay 90 per cent/ We'd all go bust if it wasn't for you/ and after all you're a pretty good screw!" Hallmark gets in on the action themselves - "Get well soon!" Always needed - never seasonal.

The bottom line is that Health Care in America is pretty much a crap shoot. It's a game of chance. The Insurance Companies would like nothing more than to see you remain as healthy as a horse and then suddenly drop dead at the age of 82. This is the winning scenario for the insurance companies. On the other hand the AMA have got their chips riding on the probability that you're eventually going to come down with something pretty nasty that they can cash in on big time. Something protracted, something well-covered by your insurance policy. And with all the advancements in modern medicine these days, they can keep you alive for millions - I mean years. For their part the Insurance companies load-up these policies full of small-print Catch-22's. If you like Dean Kuntz novels, y'know a frightening well-written tale; you should give your Insurance policy a good close read. It makes Stephen King look like Dr. Suess. These things are written to allow them to wiggle out of paying for anything they possible can. "Let's see . . . car accident victim, seems legit - I guess we'll have to pony-up for this poor sucker. Wait a minute, hold the phone . . . is that a coffee stain I smell on those trousers. Sorry pal that falls under the Coffee Crotch Clause, we won't be paying for this - but enjoy your stay!"

Either way it's the drug companies that make out like bandits. American's are nuts for drugs. There's ten drugs for everything now and five more to counteract the deadly side-effects of those. They've got ya covered from head to toe - can't get it up - Viagra, can't keep it down - Prevacid.

God forbid you ever have to go to the hospital for any sort of emergency - you'll find out in a hurry how efficiently they're spending your premiums. Every day until you pay-off your deductible you'll receive a notice in the mail, sent to you from the hospital that reads boldly at the top THIS IS NOT A BILL! This is just two pieces of paper stapled together with some words and numbers that have something to do with you and your debt. Sent to you for no other purpose than to prove that we have enough money to afford all the paper, staples, envelopes and postage in the world - but don't worry, because just like the letter you're going to receive in the mail tomorrow - THIS IS NOT A BILL!

So there you have it - my deadly sins, Envy and Anger. I envy people who have their insurance paid through their jobs. And I'm angry that a country that's as cool as America is getting their butt kicked by Canada. Health care in America is a joke that gets less and less funny by the day. Yet in Canada (pretty much known to the rest of the world as "America's Hat") they offer free health care. Free doctors, free testing, free hospitalization, free prescriptions . . . At the very least it goes a long way toward explaining how the Canadians can sit and watch a 3 hour sporting event where the final score is 1 to 0. (Free prescriptions.) "Beauty, eh? Double overtime, pass the Lortabs."

Just as a post script I was tempted to take the Seven Deadly Sins Test and beyond Envy and Anger I think I make out alright. Lust? Too old to bother. Gluttony? Can't afford it. Pride? You should see what I drive. Greed? You should see what I make. I can't think of the last one, but just because it's such a neglected word that nobody uses anymore - let's say that number 7 is Tomfoolery! Watch out for that one - it's taken many a good man down! Okay so it's not that serious, Tomfoolery - particularly as a recreational sin, but several studies suggest that it may lead to deadlier sins. Alright that's enough light-mindedness for one month. God bless. If you can think of the other deadly sin log onto zboneman.com and just type it in anywhere - everything comes to me. Except that last sin - what the hell is it. I'd look it up if I weren't so damn busy all the time. Work work work. Hmmmm?