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Respect Your Elders

Respect Your Elders

I've recently gone and done something that has left most everyone that knows me in a state of stunned, disbelief. I would have to imagine that many of you envision the Boneman as a somewhat funny, but mostly fuddled old skeeze, transgressing his way through life - a mere bus collision away from eter... [More]

[Fri Oct 10th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
Night Terrors

Night Terrors

This one is dedicated to the memory of St. George Carlin. His albums were the soundtrack to my adolescence and, next to Richard Pryor, he was the second greatest stand-up comic of all time. His passing brought with it the sobering realization that more and more the heroes of my generation are the on... [More]

[Fri Jul 25th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
What About B.O.B? (Latest)

What About B.O.B? (Latest)

In the days following the horrific 9/11 attacks we Americans were pretty freaked out. Once we'd learned who was responsible we were hoppin' mad and spoiling for a fight. Patriotism was riding as high as Old Glory and, had I told you "at the time" that in less than 8 years, the President of the Unite... [More]

[Fri Jun 6th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
That Certain Part of a Man's Body (Brand Spankin)

That Certain Part of a Man's Body (Brand Spankin)

Don't worry - I'm not gonna go off on another long-winded election rant. I was just wondering if Bill Clinton likes it when other prominent politicians get caught with their pants down like he used to do so prolifically. Does it make people forget about Monica and the gals or does it just refresh o... [More]

[Mon Mar 31st, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
Obama Nation (Newest)

Obama Nation (Newest)

You may have noticed if you've read any of my recent articles that I've become a kinder gentler Boneman. I find that I can function nearly as well without the cuss-words, but on the other hand, like many Americans, I've had it up to my "waste elimination apparatus" with political correctness. The fa... [More]

[Tue Jan 29th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
Fake The Season Bright (X-mas Bone)

Fake The Season Bright (X-mas Bone)

With each passing year, the Christmas season creeps ever closer to the Christmas season before. I believe at this rate, if the world were to survive Global Warming, Armageddon or Nuclear Annihilation and make it another hundred years – by the time 2107 rolls around there would be no point in ever ta... [More]

[Sat Dec 1st, 2007] Written By: The Boneman
Anybody Else Got a Complaint? (New as New Gets)

Anybody Else Got a Complaint? (New as New Gets)

In the last issue of the Independent the editorial staff published a complaint leveled at an article that I wrote 5 months ago entitled "Losing My Religion." The plaintiff, "a California Woman just passing through," expressed brief and general offense at my playful treatise on the Pope's not-so-rece... [More]

[Sat Oct 27th, 2007] Written By: The Boneman
Pink Side of the Moon (Newest)

Pink Side of the Moon (Newest)

Come on now? If you're reading this article having not read my conversation with Uncle Bone, let me quickly preface this odd tale of horror and disgrace with a quick introduction. My name is Maddy Bonham, again I'm the Boneman's niece and if you were a follower of this column in years past then it's... [More]

[Tue Oct 23rd, 2007] Written By: The Boneman
Back in Black (Really New)

Back in Black (Really New)

Though many of you are unlikely to remember me, I was once a semi-regular player on this team. I was all of 15 years old, in fact, when Uncle Bone first threw me out there to pinch hit for him. Sure, I was nervous and intimidated – kind of a Little Bo Peep running with the big dogs, but my life was... [More]

[Wed Aug 29th, 2007] Written By: Maddy Bonham
A God Fearing Man (New)

A God Fearing Man (New)

From the time I was 10 years old I've been afraid of Jesus. I say this for two reasons. First of all, from a journalistic standpoint, it's one of those great "attention grabbing" openers that I probably would've learned all about had I studied journalism. You'll note about now that you're still read... [More]

[Thu Aug 2nd, 2007] Written By: The Boneman
Plumbing New Depths NEW

Plumbing New Depths NEW

Well well, will y'look who's back! And two months in a row, at that. Sweet Sassy Sorghum - best pass me li'l more son, then step back Jack! Cuz it's a crack-a-lack fact that dem Happy Days is up in here agin. Yessir I'll be back with the news - ‘bout crazy old Mel and his views on Jews - might just... [More]

[Fri Jun 29th, 2007] Written By: The Boneman
Losing My Religion NEW!

Losing My Religion NEW!

Recently Pope Benedict XVI - the leader of the Catholic church - made a rather remarkable move. He decided to get rid of Limbo. Poof, it's gone, just like that - no longer exists. No big deal really - it just means that over a billion people will have to change what they believe about life after dea... [More]

[Sun Jun 10th, 2007] Written By: The Boneman
Is This The Thanksgiving We all Die?

Is This The Thanksgiving We all Die?

When your Mother marries a new man not only do you get yourself a new "Daddy," but you also inherit a whole new set of relatives. Which can be for better or worse, usually worse, but isn't generally a problem--except around the Holidays. It seems, Ray, my newest stepfather, has an older widowed... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham
Request for Fire

Request for Fire

Let me see if I can get you up to speed. I'm the Boneman's niece, I fell in love with a Paiute Indian named Jack, while visiting relatives in Pahrump, Nevada over Thanksgiving. I've only been in St. George for a few years and I'm not LDS. As it turns out Jack is, and believe me, he's good at it. It... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham
Just Sit Right Back and Youll Hear a Tale

Just Sit Right Back and Youll Hear a Tale

During the course of my indoctrination into the Mormon way, it's more than once occurred to me that, perhaps, my infatuation with Jack (my Mormon tourguide), has cast a rosy hue on what I would've otherwise been inclined to dismiss as a crock of pretty wacky business. Still and all, I've managed to... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham