zBoneman Boneman Humor (Page 3)

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Pray For Rain

I've never been a great man for parades. Don't get me wrong - I'm nothing if not a great man, for lots of stuff, and just in general really, but I don't much care for parades. I've don't think I've ever met anyone who shares such a passionate distaste for standing in the mid-day heat, miles from whe... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Super Size This!

I was originally planning on this piece being nothing but jokes about this Sudden Atkins Attack that our nation is facing; but before we take a dip in these dangerous Carb-infested waters, let me tell you about something far more disturbing than the dead Doc and his bacon and butter recipe for bette... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

We Two Kings

I doubt there's anybody who believes in Santa Claus any more than George W. Bush. Finding Saddam had to be pretty high on his wish-list this year - right up there with getting a copy of that Paris Hilton tape. Perhaps no one is happier about Hussein's capture than Saddam himself. You gotta figure th... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Funniest Humorist Selected - The Boneman

Humorist honored - "On paper he's the funniest man in America," announced L.A.F.T.A. spokesperson Phyllis Steen,."This makes two years in a row that the Boneman has been named the best humorist on the internet by the members of L.A.F.T.A. Don't deny yourself any longer, check out zboneman.com. The... [More]

Written By: Phyllis Steen

Im feeling a little Halloweeny

As the Halloween season draws near, I'm moved to relate a spooky little tale of Halloween past. Having just moved to St. George last summer, this was to be my first Halloween in Utah, and though I didn't wind up with a big bag of candy, I did come away with a classic story. If you've read any of my... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

AAJ

Uncle Bone, asked me if I might write a little something about the news of the day--I guess he's dealing with a plumbing nightmare that's caused him to neglect the world. (He also asked me to thank Justin for saving the day). Anyway, here goes. First of all these aren't exactly "salad days" for joke... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Bookish

So I'm a college girl these days. I'm taking a couple of classes, I should say. Enough of a load that I feel justified in hanging out at the library. I can't tell you how much I love the Campus library--where else can a gal so safely spectify so many fine-fannied-Frats, while pretending to read a hu... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

All Behind Me Now

Life is too short for a spunky li'l ole gal like me to stay all brokenhearted. But what can I say? I've had pretty rough go with the "mushy stuff." Couldn't say why--it looks like a lot of fun in the movies and on TV, but every time I try hopping a ride on the "Love Train" it speeds straight off th... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Sex in Mo-Town

I recently received word that the Independent has been flooded by E-mails from concerned readers wondering whatever happened to the Boneman's niece? Did I leave town in disgrace? Did I have a melt-down and float away in a river of self-pity and Utah near-beer? Not exactly. If you're new to the story... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Who Wants To Be A Mormon?

The reason for my lengthy absence from town had to do with my fiance Jack. Jack, as you may recall, was the beneficiary of a miracle that rendered an inoperable brain-tumor into a benign little nut that the surgeon went in and snatched with one hand tied behind his back. Never has this gal been so i... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Jacked Around Again

If you've read my last few installments, you might recall that life really hasn't been working out for me, lately. What could I have possibly done to deserve such a bizarre fate? I met Jack--a hot Indian returned missionary--fell in love, accepted his faith, readied myself for Temple marriage, only... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Little Bone Blue

Hey everybody, Maddy here--did you miss me? The good folks at the Independent have asked me to contribute another little opus, because it seems that my crazy uncle Bone has turned up missing. Nobody's exactly sure what happened to him, but the rumors aren't pretty. I guess he grew increasingly desp... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Trouble Along The Mormon Trail

What's a gal to do? I'm barely seventeen years old and in case you're dying to know--yes, technically, I'm still a virgin. I'd always envisioned my early adulthood as a devil-may-care affair, reveling in my youth, tasting the fruits of the world, and now I've gone and fallen in love with a damn Mo... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Jack Mormon Manifesto

I didn't have too tough of a time grabbing the reigns from uncle Bone this week. I pitched him my idea and even though he doesn't believe the story, I figured he'd be ready for a break after that "One Joke--One Year Anniversary" piece of crap that he allowed to be published last issue. I pretty mu... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Snow Falling Near Cedar Maddy

Last Friday night I was sitting around, minding what I'm pretty sure was my own business, when my old friend Bryan invited me to go skiing with him at Brian Head. It struck me as ironic--because due to the remarkable size of Bryan's head (it's much larger than a normal human head) I often refer to h... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

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