zBoneman Boneman Humor (Page 4)

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Jack Mormon Manifesto

I didn't have too tough of a time grabbing the reigns from uncle Bone this week. I pitched him my idea and even though he doesn't believe the story, I figured he'd be ready for a break after that "One Joke--One Year Anniversary" piece of crap that he allowed to be published last issue. I pretty mu... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Snow Falling Near Cedar Maddy

Last Friday night I was sitting around, minding what I'm pretty sure was my own business, when my old friend Bryan invited me to go skiing with him at Brian Head. It struck me as ironic--because due to the remarkable size of Bryan's head (it's much larger than a normal human head) I often refer to h... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

What I Did For My Summer Vacation

Poor old uncle Bone called me the other day and said, "Maddy, I think I'm losing it--did you see that Nora Sledgehammer bit?" "Yes," I replied. "What did you think?" he asked. "You mean your ingenious take on the Clinton scandal, using a fictitious phone call from Hillary Clinton to Dr. Laura as... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

The Battle for Middle Earth

I guess it's safe to say that we won the war. I can tell it's pretty much over with because now when I get home from work I don't immediately seize control of the remote and turn the television to CNN. I'm no longer imbedded on the couch flipping back and forth between 40 and 41 until I succumb to f... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Shock and Awe

I don't make a habit of apologizing for the things I write (though I could probably cut back on the swear words a tad). But in light of recent circumstances, I'm going to open this one up with the following testimony: "I, the Boneman, am a more-or-less decent, God (and wife) fearing man, blessed wit... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Juvenile Courtship

The other night I was flipping through the many channels that my cable-provider provides and I started thinking about SEX. How can you not? It's all over the place--Sexity sex sex sex. Being a child of the Nixon era I still find it rather remarkable how much of it they let slide on the tube these d... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Sundance Report: Aidan Quinn Is Short

My wife grew up in a small town just up the road from Park City--pastoral and quiet rests the mountain community of Hoytsville, Utah. A town that easily keeps up with the rest of the noisy, messed-up world by means of Satellite TV and video and DVD rental. I love it up there and recently my wife and... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Osama Bin Laden The True Hollywood Story

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale. That's right folks--a a frightening fable featuring fame, fortune, fate and more than a few fuzzy faces. Buckle up! as A.J. Boneza takes you on a journey into the black heart of a monster--Osama Bin Laden . . . The True Hollywood Story. It was June 6th... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Child's Play

I don't mean to come off sounding like the Grinch, but my kids have got way too many toys. Thousands and thousands of cheap little pieces of crap that are cluttering up my house and my life and I just want to throw it all away. Seriously, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd load it all up in... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Oscar Report

I'm a huge movie buff and I've always looked forward to the Oscars, so I figured I'd do a little Bonemanship on the big night. Yes, I sharpened a pencil and settled in for the full nine shmears--from pre-show to "Best Picture" it makes for a long night. Tuning in for all the "pre-Oscar hoopla"... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Judas Priest

I think it's safe to say that this isn't the proudest moment in history for the Catholic church. It's been a rough couple of months for the RC's. "Forgive me Father, but is that your hand on my bum." If you're thinking this is kind of a touchy subject to drag through the Bone Machine, you're probab... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Sand Castles

Raise your hand if you'd like to see Saddam Hussein smacked around with a gym sock full of wingnuts and dog crap. I'm no war-monger (I try not to be monger of any kind) but I don't understand why we have to mumbly-dick around? Here it is in a shell--SCUD-boy over there is nuttier than a pecan pie... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

A Pitiful Mind

I've reached the age where I very much dislike having to learn things. Any new information trying to find a home in my brain mostly just ricochets around until it fizzles-out or flies out one of my ear. And if it does manage to lodge somewhere in my gray-matter, the impact causes blinding bolts of... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Return to Sender

What hard times these must be for paranoids. You've got to wonder how many "What About Bobs" are going to have their homes foreclosed because they don't dare go to the mail box. Not to mention the postal workers? These are people known for spraying gunfire around the office during ordinary times. Go... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Independence Night

The fourth of July has become the "Day After" for me. My eldest daughter Lennon was born of the third of July and consequently our Nation's birthday we celebrate by cleaning up the house and recovering from post-party trauma. We grown-ups are under a lot of pressure to put together a respectable Bi... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

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