zBoneman Boneman Humor (Page 5)

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Land of Disenchantment

From time to time, my wife is thoughtful enough to point out the fact that she thinks I need therapy. Her list of concerns is quite extensive, but at the moment, the one at the top involves the unfortunate aversion I've always had about going to Disneyland. I really don't care for the Magic Kingdom,... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

The Thrill of Defeat

The Olympics are to a joke writer, what meteor showers are to a star gazer. A cosmic outpouring of material that does not come along often enough. Such a colorful convergence of intense emotions--the culmination of years of painstaking preparation, the triumphs the tragedy--and all so I can lay on... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Heaven, Heber and Hell

It's been a busy summer for the Boneman--Disneyland, Las Vegas, some of the world's most celebrated fun spots. This past weekend however, I was to pay an unexpected visit to the a couple of famous places not of this world. I had a busy weekend scheduled, my cousin's big fancy wedding, parades and ro... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Let the Race Begin

During a presidential campaign joke writers are pretty much obligated to poke fun at the big race. To make matters worse for me, I majored in Political Science. (If you plan to get away with spending four years partying and chasing girls--you pretty much have to pick a major. It looks bad if you do... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Savaged Nation

I suppose you might have wondered whether I might be crazy enough to take a crack at the Terrorist thing. Naaa. There's no jokes in there. Actually, if you must know, I'm the sort of cat who's ridiculously quick to spill a tear--even by the slightest instance of human suffering or courage I spring a... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Viva Las Vegas

For those of you who might be worried that I've gone soft and all you were going to get out of the Boneman from now on is snapshots of my kids and cutesey little Erma Bombeck baloney--I have only one thing to say to you--are you freak'n crazy? Every once in a while I feel like tossing one off that m... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Escape from Disneyland

If you happened to skim through this column in the last issue you might've wondered what kind of Scroogey old skeezix wouldn't want to go to Disneyland? Though I put up a convincing case, I have to confess that once I'm "there" I do pretty much dig Dland. The thing that's always filled me with such... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Men Are From Hell

What a spectacularly foolish thing women do when they marry one of us men. I can't believe they're still falling for it. You'd think that after witnessing a life-long parade of embarrassing male behavior, (from dear old Dad to all their rotten boyfriends) that they'd see the light. But no--they're s... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Flip Flop and Fry

Well I haven't exactly kept my promise about writing more frequently. As it turns out, having a lot of spare time on your hands in the middle of the summer, doesn't make one prolific and ambitious so much as it makes one lazy as hell. I don't think I've thought-up a single damn joke the whole time.... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Pillow Killers

Any day now we're going to start bombing the good bejesus out of a bunch of people whom, at the end of the day, probably aren't all that much different from you or I. I don't exactly know how I should feel about all this--but if the truth be known, I'm not all that against it. (A position I've rea... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Zoe Goes to the Zoo

So I took myself a vacation then. As you may know, my wife and I have a toddler (Lennon) and a pre-toddler (Zoe), so I pretty much figured my little vacation was going to be about driving a great distance in order to babysit somewhere besides home. But as it turned out, by staying with my wife's fol... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Noah: The Hunt for the Unicorn Killer

My two-year-old daughter, Lennon, inherited her father's inability to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. (Other than that, you couldn't ask for a cuter, better natured child.) She sleeps in the same room with my wife and I and most nights, in order to get her down, we have to turn off the TV and al... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Household Name

There's a television commercial that I've seen quite a few times lately that depicts a handsome young couple settling in on the sofa for a little after-dinner relaxation in front of the television. They're both armed with their own remote, and right away the clicker-bickering ensues. He flips it t... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

One Big Load of Joy

Many times over the past few months, I've been tempted to write about motherhood--but held off because I figured I'd do a better job if I waited until I had more experience. Well, I think I'm ready. My Daughter, Lennon, is 13 months, and I'm pushing 370 mo's myself--I should have enough material.... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Isn't It Supposed to be Lonely at the Top?

When this Monica Lewinsky business first reared it's ugly head, the Boneman took a pretty hard line on Slick Willie and his extramarital indiscretions. I knew he was lying then, and although I found his subsequent capitulations morbidly entertaining, I'm not deriving any kind of satisfaction from b... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

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