zBoneman Boneman Humor (Page 5)

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We Two Kings

I doubt there's anybody who believes in Santa Claus any more than George W. Bush. Finding Saddam had to be pretty high on his wish-list this year - right up there with getting a copy of that Paris Hilton tape. Perhaps no one is happier about Hussein's capture than Saddam himself. You gotta figure th... [More]

Written By: The Boneman

Funniest Humorist Selected - The Boneman

Humorist honored - "On paper he's the funniest man in America," announced L.A.F.T.A. spokesperson Phyllis Steen,."This makes two years in a row that the Boneman has been named the best humorist on the internet by the members of L.A.F.T.A. Don't deny yourself any longer, check out zboneman.com. The... [More]

Written By: Phyllis Steen

Im feeling a little Halloweeny

As the Halloween season draws near, I'm moved to relate a spooky little tale of Halloween past. Having just moved to St. George last summer, this was to be my first Halloween in Utah, and though I didn't wind up with a big bag of candy, I did come away with a classic story. If you've read any of my... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

AAJ

Uncle Bone, asked me if I might write a little something about the news of the day--I guess he's dealing with a plumbing nightmare that's caused him to neglect the world. (He also asked me to thank Justin for saving the day). Anyway, here goes. First of all these aren't exactly "salad days" for joke... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Bookish

So I'm a college girl these days. I'm taking a couple of classes, I should say. Enough of a load that I feel justified in hanging out at the library. I can't tell you how much I love the Campus library--where else can a gal so safely spectify so many fine-fannied-Frats, while pretending to read a hu... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

All Behind Me Now

Life is too short for a spunky li'l ole gal like me to stay all brokenhearted. But what can I say? I've had pretty rough go with the "mushy stuff." Couldn't say why--it looks like a lot of fun in the movies and on TV, but every time I try hopping a ride on the "Love Train" it speeds straight off th... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Sex in Mo-Town

I recently received word that the Independent has been flooded by E-mails from concerned readers wondering whatever happened to the Boneman's niece? Did I leave town in disgrace? Did I have a melt-down and float away in a river of self-pity and Utah near-beer? Not exactly. If you're new to the story... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Who Wants To Be A Mormon?

The reason for my lengthy absence from town had to do with my fiance Jack. Jack, as you may recall, was the beneficiary of a miracle that rendered an inoperable brain-tumor into a benign little nut that the surgeon went in and snatched with one hand tied behind his back. Never has this gal been so i... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Jacked Around Again

If you've read my last few installments, you might recall that life really hasn't been working out for me, lately. What could I have possibly done to deserve such a bizarre fate? I met Jack--a hot Indian returned missionary--fell in love, accepted his faith, readied myself for Temple marriage, only... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Dance with the Devil In the Pale Moonlight

After I regained what was left of my bearings I crabbed backward on my heals and palms until my head hit a tree. It felt like a nail went right through my skull, but I was too frightened to utter a sound. I just froze up and squinted in the direction of the voice that had just attacked me. "You're l... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Valentines Day Massacre

I certainly was disappointed that the world didn't end like everybody thought it might. I really had my hopes up. The timing couldn't've been more perfect for me--I was completely miserable and practically sinless. I'd spent the past several months preparing to be baptized, and get married in the te... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Little Bone Blue

Hey everybody, Maddy here--did you miss me? The good folks at the Independent have asked me to contribute another little opus, because it seems that my crazy uncle Bone has turned up missing. Nobody's exactly sure what happened to him, but the rumors aren't pretty. I guess he grew increasingly desp... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Just Sit Right Back and Youll Hear a Tale

During the course of my indoctrination into the Mormon way, it's more than once occurred to me that, perhaps, my infatuation with Jack (my Mormon tourguide), has cast a rosy hue on what I would've otherwise been inclined to dismiss as a crock of pretty wacky business. Still and all, I've managed to... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Request for Fire

Let me see if I can get you up to speed. I'm the Boneman's niece, I fell in love with a Paiute Indian named Jack, while visiting relatives in Pahrump, Nevada over Thanksgiving. I've only been in St. George for a few years and I'm not LDS. As it turns out Jack is, and believe me, he's good at it. It... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

Trouble Along The Mormon Trail

What's a gal to do? I'm barely seventeen years old and in case you're dying to know--yes, technically, I'm still a virgin. I'd always envisioned my early adulthood as a devil-may-care affair, reveling in my youth, tasting the fruits of the world, and now I've gone and fallen in love with a damn Mo... [More]

Written By: Maddy Bonham

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