totally new stuff

I hate having to feel guilty for not eating myapples. Sometimes you're just not up for an apple, do you let them go and them it's like "well maybe I should still eat it. I'm not gonna eat34 cents worth of sucky apple just out of principle. I wouldn't eat 34 cents in any form. Unless maybe I tore a thirdoff abuck and chomped that down. But only if I get the apple back new and good. Which I would still probably for get to eat

I first laid eyes on the Bishop frankly he frightened me. , my first impression of the tall, thin man with the was fear. How could I even begin to have a go at my catalogue of bad behavior with a man who looked like the love child of Carrie Nation and Cotton Mather?
I just figured like so many others, that since my lifestyle was generally frowned upon by those who live their lives in strict accordance with the local words of wisdom, then their outdated moral mumbo jumbo is nothing more than an antiquated, provincial load of fictional baloney. Why give up my treasured position as "life of the party" and forsake so many of the things that make me happy when it's so much easier to simply continue my pleasant little jack-Mormon existence and maybe worry about it when I'm . . . 60.

I suppose I could always throw-in with those "Ex-Mormons." After all they know the truth about that delusional fraud Joseph Smith. He was nothing but a lecherous crook and a pervert driven by greed and the lust for power. And if you don't believe them they've got book upon book that chronicles the man's twisted designs to fleece his gullible followers and lead them into certain damnation. Goodness it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to see that old Joe would say or do anything to hang on to his cushy lifestyle of persecution and constant threat of violent death and torture, both to himself and his loved-ones. You'd pretend to see God too, if it meant that you got to spend your life on the run from a state-full of illiterate, redneck thugs whose governor declared open hunting season on your family and your friends, talk about Easy Street. How hard is it too recognize that this slick con man really knew how to live large. Because if you've never been tarred and feathered you don't know what your missing. You're all nice and warm and then for days you're like a walking pillow - you feel like a nap - plop down any old where and catch a couple winks. How sweet would that be? I mean how obvious does it need to be that Smith cleverly pretended to see God so he could enjoy the excitement and adventure of spending 130 days in a drafty, crawl-space of a dungeon, dining on the finest pig slop and luxuriating on an ice cold bucket with no privacy whenever nature might call. I don't think there's any question that the man as a loathsome scoundrel I mean what kind of cowardly scoundrel would decide to turn himself in to face a raft of bogus charges knowing that he would most likey be gunned down like a dog - that's just foolish. Is that who you want to have running your new faith a fool. Those ex-mormons have undoubtedly got it figured out, but why stop with Mormonism, when you can become an ex-husband, ex-father, ex-friend. Why not ex yourself all the way out while you're at it. Even when I was in the midst of my unrighteousness, in my heart I knew that the principles I was taught as a young teenager were true, so when I see these ex-Mormonites keep a straight face while they claim that the Book of Mormon was really written by wanna-be novelist who wrote a blog about how the Indians discovered America. Perhaps I'm getting carried away, it's just that I suspect that in their heart of hearts these exters don't really buy their own Solomon Spalding BS. Please, you could probably make just as convincing a case for Beavis and Butthead being the true authors of the Bible. "Beavis, you monkeyspank - the only thing you wrote on this whole page is whore?" "Yeah huh huh, whore whore." "Beavis, the Lord is growing wroth with your lightmindeness - you act like paper grows on trees?" "Sorry, Oh yeah uh ask Him how to spell uncircscumized. Uh what is that word anyway?" "Beavis, did I not explained it but a fortnight prior - it's how you baptism your weiner." "Oh yea, Jews spend a lot of time thinking about their weiners. "Yea they are pretty cool, too bad they don't believe in Jesus - Jesus kicks ass. "Uh huh huh, Yea Verily, huh huh.

In retrospect it doesn't make a lot of sense to stir up a bunch of hard feelings during the Christmas season. If I was any kind of respectable Mormon I'd be out doing my Home Teaching. I'm told there is or was a humorist up North somewhere who went by the nom de plume the OxyMormon. Most people tell me he's really funny and it's too bad I'm not successful like he is and I really couldn't agree more. There's no doubt that my Northern doppelganger is a better home teacher than I. For some reason I really have a problem with the Home Teaching, which mostly stems from my neurotic aversion to bothering people. The concept of Home Teaching is certainly sound, but in practice it rarely works. The idea is for the men and young men of the ward are to visit the families of the ward in order to discern if there may be members who are undergoing hardships and perhaps need assitance, The problem here is that anytime you ask any normal human being how they're doing they invariably answer "good or fine." That's what I would say, even if for whatever reason I happened to be bleeding heavily from both of my eyes. "Just peeled an onion, nothin' to worry about. Then when the shoe is on the other foot - (say your home teacher calls any tells you he'll be stopping by) my wife or I trips a switch that sounds a loud persistent alarm that the family recognizes as the rapid house-cleaning alert. Which is basically a 5 minute intensive drill intended to straighten the areas of the house that are visible from the living room, even if it means tossing dishes and laundry out the back door.

loney. Why give up my treasured position as "life of the party" and forsake so many of the things that make me happy when it's so much easier to simply continue my pleasant little jack-Mormon existence and maybe worry about it when I'm . . . 60.

I suppose I could always throw-in with those "Ex-Mormons." After all they know the truth about that delusional fraud Joseph Smith. He was nothing but a lecherous crook and a pervert driven by greed and the lust for power. And if you don't believe them they've got book upon book that chronicles the man's twisted designs to fleece his gullible followers and lead them into certain damnation. Goodness it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to see that old Joe would say or do anything to hang on to his cushy lifestyle of persecution and constant threat of violent death and torture, both to himself and his loved-ones. You'd pretend to see God too, if it meant that you got to spend your life on the run from a state-full of illiterate, redneck thugs whose governor declared open hunting season on your family and your friends, talk about Easy Street. How hard is it too recognize that this slick con man really knew how to live large. Because if you've never been tarred and feathered you don't know what your missing. You're all nice and warm and then for days you're like a walking pillow - you feel like a nap - plop down any old where and catch a couple winks. How sweet would that be? I mean how obvious does it need to be that Smith cleverly pretended to see God so he could enjoy the excitement and adventure of spending 130 days in a drafty, crawl-space of a dungeon, dining on the finest pig slop and luxuriating on an ice cold bucket with no privacy whenever nature might call. I don't think there's any question that the man as a loathsome scoundrel I mean what kind of cowardly scoundrel would decide to turn himself in to face a raft of bogus charges knowing that he would most likey be gunned down like a dog - that's just foolish. Is that who you want to have running your new faith a fool. Those ex-mormons have undoubtedly got it figured out, but why stop with Mormonism, when you can become an ex-husband, ex-father, ex-friend. Why not ex yourself all the way out while you're at it. Even when I was in the midst of my unrighteousness, in my heart I knew that the principles I was taught as a young teenager were true, so when I see these ex-Mormonites keep a straight face while they claim that the Book of Mormon was really written by wanna-be novelist who wrote a blog about how the Indians discovered America. Perhaps I'm getting carried away, it's just that I suspect that in their heart of hearts these exters don't really buy their own Solomon Spalding BS. Please, you could probably make just as convincing a case for Beavis and Butthead being the true authors of the Bible. "Beavis, you monkeyspank - the only thing you wrote on this whole page is whore?" "Yeah huh huh, whore whore." "Beavis, the Lord is growing wroth with your lightmindeness - you act like paper grows on trees?" "Sorry, Oh yeah uh ask Him how to spell uncircscumized. Uh what is that word anyway?" "Beavis, did I not explained it but a fortnight prior - it's how you baptism your weiner." "Oh yea, Jews spend a lot of time thinking about their weiners. "Yea they are pretty cool, too bad they don't believe in Jesus - Jesus kicks ass. "Uh huh huh, Yea Verily, huh huh.

In retrospect it doesn't make a lot of sense to stir up a bunch of hard feelings during the Christmas season. If I was any kind of respectable Mormon I'd be out doing my Home Teaching. I'm told there is or was a humorist up North somewhere who went by the nom de plume the OxyMormon. Most people tell me he's really funny and it's too bad I'm not successful like he is and I really couldn't agree more. There's no doubt that my Northern doppelganger is a better home teacher than I. For some reason I really have a problem with the Home Teaching, which mostly stems from my neurotic aversion to bothering people. The concept of Home Teaching is certainly sound, but in practice it rarely works. The idea is for the men and young men of the ward are to visit the families of the ward in order to discern if there may be members who are undergoing hardships and perhaps need assitance, The problem here is that anytime you ask any normal human being how they're doing they invariably answer "good or fine." That's what I would say, even if for whatever reason I happened to be bleeding heavily from both of my eyes. "Just peeled an onion, nothin' to worry about. Then when the shoe is on the other foot - (say your home teacher calls any tells you he'll be stopping by) my wife or I trips a switch that sounds a loud persistent alarm that the family recognizes as the rapid house-cleaning alert. Which is basically a 5 minute intensive drill intended to straighten the areas of the house that are visible from the living room, even if it means tossing dishes and laundry out the back door.

but you can access your work on facebook from anywhere as opposed to Word on your home PC of I receive become sufficiently it "did" indeed provide more than half my income. Even though it might be something of an eyesore - As the computer has turned what the British would refer to "as teats" up. As a further security measure known thoughout the industry as "inter-radial Fractal redundancy." Independent Publishing May not be held in any way liable for any subsequent side effects including but not to exclude temporary instant death, peculiar dreams and odors consistent with the decomposition of one more than likely several amals other orders deemed odors. Perched as it is amid a most uncommonly tacky array of fake wood panneling - bringing to mind the very worst of a decade decade of the 70s-both mentally and morally wood sitting true that as a result of this security stategy prevents. any one employee from accessing any combination of information either in whole or in part that could be construed as This occasionally odd-smelling - indeedindeed the extreme high tech perched as it is amid a most uncommonly tacky array of fake wood - bringing to mind the very worst the decade of the seventietie wood sitting as it does in an incredibly tacky much like whereby I made my living, has pretty much chosen this week (as the Brits would say) "turn teats up." What an amazing asset this P.iece of C.rap has been. True it crashed on an hourly basis, but with that kind of sheer speed I guess that's to be expected. Think an arthritic 90 year old pulling himself and a tall, wobblesome IV come-along, with a catheter jury-rigged half way down with duct tape. Smokin'! You know how when you call tech support, and they tell you to unplug your modem and it usually works. I got to the point where any time I wanted to go to a different website or any application, unplug the modem., I think

but you can access your work on facebook from anywhere as opposed to Word on your home PC of I receive become sufficiently it "did" indeed provide more than half my income. Even though it might be something of an eyesore - As the computer has turned what the British would refer to "as teats" up. As a further security measure known thoughout the industry as "inter-radial Fractal redundancy." Independent Publishing May not be held in any way liable for any subsequent side effects including but not to exclude temporary instant death, peculiar dreams and odors consistent with the decomposition of one more than likely several amals other orders deemed odors. Perched as it is amid a most uncommonly tacky array of fake wood panneling - bringing to mind the very worst of a decade decade of the 70s-both mentally and morally wood sitting true that as a result of this security stategy prevents. any one employee from accessing any combination of information either in whole or in part that could be construed as This occasionally odd-smelling - indeedindeed the extreme high tech perched as it is amid a most uncommonly tacky array of fake wood - bringing to mind the very worst the decade of the seventietie wood sitting as it does in an incredibly tacky much like whereby I made my living, has pretty much chosen this week (as the Brits would say) "turn teats up." What an amazing asset this P.iece of C.rap has been. True it crashed on an hourly basis, but with that kind of sheer speed I guess that's to be expected. Think an arthritic 90 year old pulling himself and a tall, wobblesome IV come-along, with a catheter jury-rigged half way down with duct tape. Smokin'! You know how when you call tech support, and they tell you to unplug your modem and it usually works. I got to the point where any time I wanted to go to a different website or any application, unplug the modem., I think