Barnyard is a complete and utter disaster. This goes far beyond the mere fact that this CG animated film features male cows with utters. It would be far too easy to attack Barnyard for this observation alone.

Barnyard imagines a world where farm animals act just like you and me when we're not watching. The film centers around Ben (Sam Elliot), a veteran cow who watches over his farmer's land and animals when the old codger isn't paying attention. As Ben defends the property against various predators, he also attempts to teach his underachieving and self-absorbed son Otis (Kevin James) the tricks of the trade.

Unfunny, poorly paced, and lacking in charm are just a few of Barnyard's problems. This isn't like Animal Farm in which serious social commentary is relevant throughout, nor does it provide the clever, somewhat whimsical nature of Babe. No, Barnyard goes for straight comedy, and for the most part, it fails in bringing any real humor to the surface.

Barnyard was directed by Steve Oedekerk, a man who is no stranger to the realm of comedy. He's worked with the likes of Jim Carrey (Bruce Almighty), Robin Williams (the dreadful Patch Adams), and Eddie Murphy (The Nutty Professor) and has even gone so far as to create an entire series of films starring . . . thumbs (i.e. Thumb Wars). Well, you'd think that working with such comical heavyweights, he'd know a thing or two about laughs. If Barnyard is any indication, he hasn't learned much of anything. I laughed three times throughout this movie. The rest of the time, I was looking at my watch.

What's more, as an animated feature, Barnyard is completely uninspired. The Characterizations are completely uninteresting both in terms of physicality and performance. There's nothing memorable about any of these animal creations. They're completely dull in appearance -even the character's names are cliched and boring (the film actually features a cow named Daisy – Wow! That's original).

The only compliment I can pay Barnyard is that I liked the vocal work by Sam Elliot as Ben and Anchorman's David Koechner as a villainous coyote. Both lend a sense of playfulness to this near joyless movie.

I suppose you might think it a bit callous of me to tear apart a cartoon like this, but seriously I love the medium as much as anyone. With vastly superior animated fare like the underrated Monster House, Cars, and Ant Bully playing in theaters right now, there's no reason to subject yourself (or your kids) to the drivel that is Barnyard. Having said all of this, The Boneman swears up and down that this flick is a god send compared to Doogle. I guess I won't be watching Doogle any time soon.