Cruel punishment and just awful. Where do I begin? Dane Cook can't be 40 years old, can he? Well, Cook is photographed as if he's 40. Because Cook is so old, unshaven, and with horrible hair which is supposed to make him look younger, his supporting buddy cast must be even older. Cook's rival? Nasty Nazi Dax Shepard! Everyone is offensive and it's not funny-offensive. "E of M" does not tax Jessica Simpson's limited abilities. All she is required to do is wear very low-cut dresses, toss long hair extensions around, and look "quizzical." Watch how the camera cuts past Jessica when she is required to react. Now that's skillful editing.

"Employee of the Month" has an indie budget, or, Jessica and her manager/producer obsessed father Joe cost millions, since it is set entirely in a Costco Super Store. Wisely, Costco refused to be associated with "E of M." Called Super Club, it must be a terrific place to work since it has kept all of its employees for over a decade. The only way an employee leaves is to die. Fortunatley for the audience the film dies thus allowing us our liberty.

Zack Bradley (Dane Cook) lives with his feisty grandmother and is Super Club's lazy, always late, box boy. His arch-rival is #1 cashier Vince Downey (Dax Shepard). Vince has ambition and wants to make a career at Super Club. Zack and his much older co-cohorts (Andy Dick, Harland Williams and Dave Collins) go to great lengths to avoid work.

Only Vince, with his devoted "bagger" sidekick Jorge (Efren Ramirez), cares about being the vaunted Employee of the Month. Vince is Super Club's star with 17 months as "E of M." He certainly is entitled to bragging rights. He has a big following among customers and should be recognized for making Super Club a must-go-to success with housewives.

Gorgeous, stripper-clothed new cashier Amy (Jessica Simpson) is rumored to only 'give it up' to "Employee of the Month" winners. Vince, who has used his "E of M" status to have sex with female employees (but he's unconsciously in love with Jorge), pursues Amy vigorously, and so does no-car, no-money, dirty T-shirted Zack.

All anyone cares about in "Employee of the Month" is getting a gold star and getting into the staff lounge where all soft drinks are free! If you think writing such a formulaic "slacker makes good" morality play is easy – think again. Zack‘s character arc requires him to get a gold star (thus abandoning his loser friends) by finding a place for a crate of merchandise. The screenplay was written by Don Calame, Chris Conroy and Greg Coolidge (who also directed). Calame and Conroy also got story credits! To use an all too easy pun - too many Cooks have ruined this potentially likeable Dane Cook recipe.

I've tried to watch Cook's cable TV series "Tourgasm." Twice. I am obviously not in touch with his rabid college fan base since I do not think he is funny at all. He has nothing beyond a frat-boy delivery to his even more juvenile material. And it can't be said that I haven't given Cook a fair chance, I even suffered through his SNL hosting appearance. In "E of M" he 'does' show much more acting ability than any of his co-stars. Sure, Jessica's name is up there, but she is used sparingly. Cook should have waited for better material or, at least, demanded Jessica's hair and makeup people. Didn't he bother looking at the dailies?

(We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome the prolific and multi-talented writer Victoria Alexander to our staff. Critic for http://www.filmsinreview.com/ and pundit and humorist responsible for the candid and fearlessly funny "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on http://fromthebalcony.com. Start off your week with a good hard laugh. It's a thrill to have her on board. Victoria Alexander answers every email and can be contacted directly at masauu@aol.com.)