After regal cleaning lady Bridget (Diane Keaton), ghetto mom Nina (Queen Latifah), and 70's flower child Jackie (Katie Holmes) rob the Federal Reserve Bank of a billion dollars in ones, they go off and capture Osama bin Laden.

Hey, it doesn't take a genius to rob the Federal Reserve Bank. All you need is a Masters lock and a toilet plunger.

Why do these three women put their freedom on the line committing a federal crime? Well, Bridget's house-bound, eunuch-husband Don (Ted Danson) lost his job and is depressed. They have to sell their mansion and actually give up throwing garden parties. The shame pushes Bridget to the thug life.

For a comedy starring three women, Danson has all the funny lines.

Forced by huge bills to get a job, Bridget lands a job cleaning toilets at the Federal Reserve. Looking around, Bridget's criminal mind immediately assesses the glaring possibilities presented to her. It would be easy to stuff those old bills down her girdle. The old money is being burned anyhow. Who will miss it?

I spend a few months every year in third world countries buying stuff with filthy, barely recognizable country currency. It smells. It's been peed on. Only a country built on disposable income would destroy old money.

Bridget, whose previous work experience was as a member of Kansas's Einsatzgruppen, enlists Nina and Jackie into her devious scheme. Nina's job is to shred the old money. Jackie dances down the halls listening to her iPod. All it takes is a few winks and these ladies are robbing with careless impunity.

After three years of daily stealing, a security guard, Barry (Roger Cross), lovesick for Nina, notices something is askew, and wants his cut. By now, both Bridget and Jackie's husbands have signed up.

Is it possible that the screenwriter of "Mad Money", Glenn Gers, wrote the clever "Fracture?" I saw "Fracture" twice!

The dim-witted heist is further damaged by director Callie Khouri, who directs as if her stars were Kukla, Fran and Ollie. Keaton has lost the art of acting and runs through all her over-used standard bits. Diane, give up this crap and return to dramatic acting. Didn't you save any money over the years? Follow Julie Christie's path.

Why in the world did Holmes take this part? Katie, fire your agent! It is rather disappointing that marrying one of the most famous and powerful movie stars in the world gives you first-look access to this kind of material. Along with Diane, Katie looks terrible. All three characters are miserably under-developed. Why would high-powered Don be meekly going along with pre-convict, la-de-da Bridget? Why has Nina been left raising two kids? And Jackie? There is a funny story buried in her character.

Telling the stories of these three women pre-heist might have made a funny movie.

We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome Victoria back from her world travels. To read all about her globetrotting adventures click onto "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on http://fromthebalcony.com.