The Amityville Horror is a sloppy, incoherent slice of so-called terror that shamelessly borrows from The Sixth Sense and The Shining, but is unable to generate the drama of the first or the ominous sense of foreboding of the latter.

In this remake of the 70's haunted house thriller starring James Brolin and Margot Kidder, Ryan Reynolds (Van Wilder) and Melissa George play a recently married couple who, along with her three children, move into a hefty sized home in the Amityville countryside. Unfortunately, this home was the site of a violent massacre only year prior (funny how Reynolds and George knew nothing about the murders - you'd think they would have heard about the slayings some time during the house-hunting process). Upon moving into the home, a number of odd occurences begin to take place, and before long, Reynolds finds himself suffering from a bad case of insomnia. Soon, it becomes clear that this ordinarily sweet-natured man is an entirely different person whenever he's inside the house. Could there be supernatural forces at play?

As far as Amityville thrillers go, let's face it - The Amityville Horror is no Jaws. And even though I wouldn't proclaim the original Amityville Horror a flawless work of gothic terror, it's a masterpiece compared to this tepid remake. I'd rank this Michael Bay produced schlock-fest somewhere alongside the dull Amityville Horror sequels.

This Amityville Horror has very few scares to speak of, but it's the clumsy direction and writing that really had me dumbfounded. This film unfolds in such a slap-dash manner, that it felt as if chunks of the movie were missing. At one point, I thought that perhaps the film reels had been strung together wrong, but soon I realized that this was in fact the way the movie was put together. Much of it just didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. We get a shot of Ryan Reynolds ripping a phone off the wall in the kitchen during a cell conversation with the Mrs. - then suddenly, he's in a boat house confronting his concerned wife. There's obviously been some sort of time lapse, but if there's supposed to be some sort of explanation for this confusing sequence, none was offered. There's just no solid sense of timing or pacing to be found in this movie.

The cast is unable to bring much to the table, although Ryan Reynolds (or as I like to call him - the poor man's Jason Lee) has a few inspired moments. There's a wickedly funny scene in which he orders his step son to hold a piece of wood in place so he can chop it in two with his axe. But his subsequent descent into madness doesn't work in the slightest, because it isn't gradual enough. The Shining handled an all too similar plot devise much more effectively. Try as he might, Reynolds never really pulls it off, but he does put forth a game effort. At any rate, the screenwriters are at fault not the actors.

The screenplay possesses not even the most miniscule iota of originality to offer. When it's not rehashing the events prominent in it's source material, it's simply taking from other (and far superior) works of horror. And some of the supernatural happenings here are so lame, it was hard not to giggle at them. Take for instance a scene in which George tracks down a priest (Philip Baker Hall) who bolted from her home earlier in the film (he becomes terrified after being attacked by thousands of flies). She asks him why he ran from their home and the priest replies; "your house scares me." This film is more silly than scary. And don't get me started on the stupid, sequel ready ending, one that rivals that ridiculous cheap scare at the end of The Grudge remake from last year.

If the film makers would have used the silly factor to their advantage, they might have been onto something. For a fleeting second, I thought the movie might become entertaining. At one moment in the picture, a slutty babysitter (played by a lively Rachel Nichols) is introduced to the plot. I'm thinking-"GREAT! The Amityville Whore!" The provocatively dressed teenager struts around acting like an idiot, and even goes so far as to playfully flirt with George's twelve year old son (played by Jesse James). I'm thinking at the very least, this brings a little welcome camp value to the table. Alas, the babysitter only hangs around for about five minutes before being psychologically tortured by an irritated poltergeist. Thus we barely have time to get our hopes up and "poof" the Amityville whore is history. Pity.

Director Andrew Douglas (SURPRISE! He used to make music videos) bombards the audience with a lot of flash and quick cuts (not surprising given this movie was produced by Michael Bay) and for a while there, I thought I was watching a sequel to that awful Thirteen Ghosts remake from a few years back. I will give Douglas props for one intense sequence in which George's youngest daughter scales the top of the roof at the request of a ghost who resides in the house. It is the one and only scene in the entire film that actually generates any real spine-tingling.

The Amityville Horror is rated R which is refreshing given the current trend of PG-13 rated horror films, but an R rating does not a great scary picture make. A few shots of sub par gore cannot hide the fact that this is a pretty weak movie. It isn't flat out awful, but it's hardly memorable, and quite frankly, it's over before anything really happens. File this Amityville Horror under "forgettable" right alongside Boogeyman.