Ellroy was right. Perhaps now silenced since the studio check has cleared, it is not only Josh Hartnett who is miscast. De Palma had us laughing. Hartnett, another casualty of Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay (The Twin Warlocks of "The Ben Affleck Curse"), was recently showcasing that a stint in Acting Rehab was working. I loved "Lucky Number Slevin," but he is out of his depth here. Hartnett needs a strong screenplay and venal direction.

What happened to De Palma's exalted eroticism? The source material had it. This film doesn't.

Josh Friedman should have streamlined Ellroy's book. Even I had trouble doping out who was who and tying the pieces together. I read Ellroy's book and still walked out saying, Why was Elizabeth Short killed? Why was it so ugly? Huh?

And Hillary Swank plays a silly chaste lesbian.

Jack the Ripper went on a mutilating killing spree. Whoever killed Elizabeth Short in 1947 and dumped her nude body in a vacant, well-traveled lot, apparently only killed once. Short's killer was skillful, masterful, and a deviant. You'd think there wouldn't be too many suspects around L.A. fitting that description in 1947. Short's killer was never found.

The body was horrifically displayed, cut neatly in half at the waist. All the organs were removed and the body drained of blood. Her face was savagely mutilated. This kind of torture and surgical precision needs space, equipment, and time. The police had no clues even though the public fascination was great.

Ellroy's crime novel, on which "The Black Dahlia" is based, weaves a fictionalized story of Short with that of two detectives/boxers, Bucky Bleichert (Josh Hartnett) and Lee Blanchard (Aaron Eckhart). They become partners.

Lee likes to have Bucky around a little too much, since he is not having sex with his live-in girlfriend, Kay Lake (Scarlett Johansson). Why not? Is Lee impotent? If he is, why is he allowing young Bucky to go everywhere with them? Why does Bucky have a key to their fabulous apartment? Why isn't young, seductive Kay aching for hot sex? Lee and Kay's relationship should have been perfect for De Palma to explore. They hardly are alone, we learn nothing of the sexual problems between them.

Lee, not interested in Kay, becomes obsessively drawn to the murder of Elizabeth Short. De Palma doesn't suggest this is necrophilic displacement on Lee's part – but I do. Lee will not suffer performance anxiety with The Black Dahlia. The dead are refreshingly understanding of ones shortcomings.

While Lee studies photos and police reports, Bucky goes hunting and finds out that Short was seen around lesbian dives. Soon he meets faux-lesbian Madeleine Linscott (Hilary Swank), a rich socialite with a family right out of The Munsters. Inappropriately too close to her rich, racist father, Madeleine likes motel sex with Bucky. Dad should be jealous, but it is her doped up mother Ramona (Fiona Shaw) who is outraged by her daughters daliance with the lower caste Bucky.

Eventually all these characters merge, along with a few cons, bad cops, thugs, killers, gardeners, and politicians.

I did love seeing K. D. Lang back in a tuxedo singing in a lesbian bar flanked by dancers! I thought Lang gave up her career to get fat and live in Canada. I have all her CDs!

If this is supposed to be Swank's new sexy femme fatale phase, I hope she returns to trailer park misery (those roles provide Academy Awards but not perfume ads and Louis Vuitton campaigns). Swank is all horse teeth and is not generously lit. Neither is Mia Kirshner (as Elizabeth Short). Kirshner's Short is not the kind of sometime-prostitute who would get in trouble. She just wants a career and cries when she has to do something demeaning.

The only thing I can say about Johansson is that this is a good role for her sizable talents. I like that she is not reed-thin. She can show sexual hunger and wounded despair. Hartnett is ten years away from a great role. He needs to become gritty and tough if he wants to remove the "Pearl Harbor" stain for good. And, Hartnett will get his star-making role – he's got the right people behind him.

If you are expecting a film about The Black Dahlia, this is not it. The film is sluggish and the sex scene so silly, I almost looked away. De Palma's sexual forte – sexual ambiguity and cruelty – is not here (but should have been). He has mellowed.

We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome the prolific and multi-talented writer Victoria Alexander to our staff. Critic for http://www.filmsinreview.com/ and pundit and humorist responsible for the candid and fearlessly funny "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on http://fromthebalcony.com. Start off your week with a good hard laugh. It's a thrill to have her on board. Victoria Alexander answers every email and can be contacted directly at masauu@aol.com.)