Because no one seems to understand why gorgeous 30-year old teachers have sex with their pre-teen and teenage male students, I will reveal the reason: Some boys ooze testosterone. You can smell it. You can tell they are only thinking about sex: sex with women, sex with old women, sex with furniture, and, like Lucas Black in "Tokyo Drift," sex with cars.

Not only is Lucas Black perfectly sex-showcased by director Justin Lin, he does it without taking his shirt off or kissing a girl. Black has that "I think you're hot. I want you right now" look that cannot be faked or learned in acting class. Tom Cruise still has it; Colin Farrell has it; Ben Affleck does not (but Jerry Bruckheimer liked him so he was forced on us until we all said "No more! Ben must be stopped.")

I was not going to ruin the surprise that Vin Diesel turns up at the very end of the movie but he's in the TV commercial for the movie! At least it came as a neat surprise for me – sadly, it will not be for you.

Now set in Tokyo were all the high school girls are 5' 3" tall, 94lbs, wear stripper shoes and tiny micro-skirts, and have really flat stomachs they show off. The guys are moody, taller than the average Japanese man and very, very rich thanks to drug running. They also have lots of quarter-million dollar cars they race in the crowded city.

I've been to Tokyo. I missed the whole car racing thing. Everyone looked exceedingly polite and mannered. Nobody steals anything in Tokyo.

Because, in Tokyo, everyone is a teen stripper making fast money.

The past star of the last "Fast and Furious" movies, Paul Walker, who does not have "The Sex Face" but I like him!, has graduated from the franchise.

The franchise now belongs to teenagers and new heartthrob Lucas Black (Don't let Bruckheimer give you a new set of Affleck teeth) is driving the cars. Troubled Sean Boswell (Black) is either going to juvie-hall or Tokyo where his father lives. In school he meets Twinkie (Bow Wow) who is also an outsider but they quickly bond through racing cars. Boswell has never heard of drift racing, which doesn't stop him from challenging the star of drifting after flirting with his non-Asian girlfriend Neela (Nathalie Kelley).

He has an ally in Han (Sung Kang), who has a gang of drug-workers and a warehouse of race cars. He lets Boswell destroy his car "just because." Now Boswell is working, and racing, for him. But Boswell's nemesis, D.K. (Brian Tee), can't find another girl he likes as much as his Neela. So Boswell has to learn how to drift.

Director Justin Lin ramps up the velocity and the racing is really exciting (and there is not even one "Top Gun" homoerotic glance to be had). The crashes are truly imaginative and the camera work and editing are pulse-quickening. All this, and Vin Diesel turns up to pass the banner on to Black.

(We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome the prolific and multi-talented writer Victoria Alexander to our staff. Critic for http://www.filmsinreview.com/ and pundit and humorist responsible for the candid and fearlessly funny "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on fromthebalcony.com. Start off your week with a good hard laugh. It's a thrill to have her on board. Victoria Alexander answers every email and can be contacted directly at masauu@aol.com.)