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"Patience and Science" by Adam Richman (2005)

"Patience and Science" by Adam Richman

Artist:

Adam Richman

Album:

Patience and Science

Released In:

2005

Reviewed By:

Tyson Cantrell

Grade:

1.5

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Editor's Note: I'm the first to admit that, as an editor, I'm something of a pain in the ass to work with. To put it mildly, I tend to get a little carried away. My revisions are often so dramatic that my writers don't recognize their own work. And bless their hearts they really don't complain about it as much as they have a right to. Tyson Cantrell has suffered the most under my meddlesome hand - as I cobble away at his words and twist them to my own purposes and at the very least cut the "curse-word count" in half.

As he has worked his way into a position of value in our intimate stable, he's earned the right to complain and the following review is his way at really getting back at me. It's a review that I'd either have to run as is, or scrap altogether. The clever bastard has written a review that is way beyond fixing and yet he knows that I respect him too much to dismiss his rights out of hand. Thus the following review is a bit of an illustration (it should give the average reader a better understanding of what it's like to be the captain of this ship. And it will also be something of a test - A test of the parental control devices you've installed into your browser. So without further ado - Ladies and Gentleman the Unexpurgated Tyson Cantrell:

If you're looking for the perfect soundtrack for an anal raping, then buy Adam Richman's new album, Patience and Science. If you just want to keep it real like a thug then find Adam Richman take his guitar and slap him in the face with it. I really hope Kevin Jones isn't a "big follower" of
Richman or I'd put in my two week's in disgust.

This album is fucked up lame. It sounds like that dipshit from A New Found Glory went and did a solo project - which translates into pure effervescing shit. I haven't heard anything this shitty since that enema blew out my constipated ass last week. "Eat more fiber" that doc says, screw that idea, how about I just listen to Adam Richman, then for sure I'll shit my pants listening to the biggest pussy since Chris Carraba. I saw Richman's picture on MySpace as the artist of the day (Sorry, MySpace is dumb I know). I should've known by the Buddy Holly glasses that I was in for a treat of stab-the-part-of-your-brain-out-that-remembers-this proportions. They were ranting and raving over this nerd so I decided to download his whole album like an asshole would thanks to LimeWire. Thank God too; I wasn't about to waste my money on this. I'd rather buy the entire Night Ranger collection on vinyl.

I would hate to see the throngs of retards that made this dude popular. That would be witnessing humanity at its worst. I suppose there is a little bit of a likability factor represented in Richman's musicÂ….pffft, just kidding. Listening to this was like watching a hideously fat woman try to pry her ass out of a late 80's model Camero, all the while wearing
a pink, skintight t-shirt so boldly stating "YOUR BOYFRIEND WANTS ME." I was confused, felt kinda sorry and embarrassed for her, but at the same time wanted to scream, "What the FUCK lady, fix that shit." Yeah this guy sucks.

:: zBoneman.com Reader Comments ::

rhaim

rhaim

I couldn't agree more - good call

andy

andy

this album is everything good about pop music.... stop being an elitist... pop music can be good you just have your head to far up some other type of musics ass to see this

Kristen

Kristen

Whoever wrote the original review on this site seems more interested in gettinhg a laugh from an audience than appreciating good music. He spends more time trying to sound funny than talking about exactly WHY the album is lame (which it isn't). I love everything about this CD and to insult the artist himself AND his fans is low. If you're going to review a CD be straightforward. Criticize the tuning, depth of the music, or something actually RELEVANT...don't waste the readers' time talking about anal-rape.

Rick

Rick

Very catchy pop/rock album with punk overtones. He reminds me of Elvis Costello. Even Tyson Cantrell rates it above the lowest even though he rails against it. Go play with your tinker toys Tyson. You have no idea what music sounds like.

Liria Garza

Liria Garza

Patience and Science is by far anything of what this guy is saying. Seems to me that he probably wouldn't now great music if he was the one playing it. My review for Patience and Science is simple it rocks. I'm one who has a wide range of music I like from folk/country to punk, hip hop and even classical music. Adam Richman's Cd is right there with the rest of the great music I keep in my shelf, he is right next to Shawn Mullins, Nancy Griffith, and Cri Cri. The thing that attracted me to his song is the fact that he fought to get to where he is, on his own for the most part and if that's not worth listening to what is Kelly Clarkson......please.

jizzle

jizzle

well, i'd have to say that i most definitely disagree with this review, but i'm not gonna lie, it was still one of the most entertaining reviews i've ever read.

Tyson

Tyson

I think it's sweet of Adam's immediate family to come running to his defense, guess what folks, you're cousin still sucks, but I'm sure he appreciates the love.

MattyO

MattyO

I like Patience and Science.

And i like Adam Richman.

He's a pretty cool guy...funny too.

Sarah

Sarah

i think adam richman is cool. but this is really funny.

Anonymous

Anonymous

you're a fucking dumbass, that is all there is too it! You try to insult someone with your words, and yet you failed... miserably! You're a horrible writer, and you should not be the one to judge someone elses music. It is one thing to say you did not like the album, but to completely trash it & portray it as a piece of shit, you are an ass hole! WHO DOES THAT? WHO INSULTS SOMETHIGN SOMEONE WORKED SO HARD ON? NOBODY Has the right to do that, and i hope one day someone comes along & is an even bigger ass hole (IF possible) to you, and you feel like you suck at whatever it is you do, because you're an ass hole and that is the only thing you deserve!

Greg

Greg

the guy who wrote the review has no idea what hes talkin about. Adam Richman is very talented. I want to see the anal rape loving guy who wrote this review try to record an album on his own and see what he gets. Adam's album will have you singing the lyrics over and over. Adam Richman writes catchy and complicated songs. If you want a good album pick this one up

alex

alex

First of all, let me just say that you are a completely ignorant asshole. Who do you think you are to be able to say things like that about an artist in this business, and be able to get away with it. I would bet everything i have that says you tried to be a musician, failed, and now you just sit around in your underwear at your mom's house and complain about how shitty your life is. how can you make fun of someone who has made it, when no one even knows who the fuck YOU are? What is it exactly that is so bad about this album anyway, seeing as how you didn't even explain that in your review, like a real reveiwer would. Just because you have no fucking life, doesn't mean you have the right to go and bash a talented artist like that. I bet the only reason you came up with the rape comment was because you were in the process of the act yourself. Sprout a dick, and then go fuck yourself.

Tyson

Tyson

I see Adam has contacted the other side of his family to come running to his defense. You people, please acquire lives - or if that's you Adam, you sure can come up with alot of aliases. I don't know why you take it so personally, if I recorded an album I'd suck too - get over it, bro - and go back to your Dan Fogelberg collection and fantasize about you and he in a cabin up in the mountains - don't forget to lick your thumb.

Casual Observer

Casual Observer

Let's not drag poor Dan Fogelberg into this ridiculous squabble - what did he ever do to any of you un-potty-trained babies?

Sara

Sara

Ok so this may be a little redundant but I feel it needs to be said.

This truly one of my favorite albums and you are a fool to insult a musician you have never met, on a personal level. You also insulted the fans as well. You are totally ridiculous.

You will never have a real job as music critic acting like that. If you didn't like the album, I agree with the people posting above say something about the intonation or mixing or any other thing related to music. None of these things are wrong with this album but are just examples of things one may talk about while doing an album review. Do you even know anything about music? This review really implies you may not. Oh and a good rule to go by is to not call the fans retards. What are you 12?

I think Adam Richman is incrediable and again Patience and Science really is great!

Dru

Dru

I, being a fan of Adam Richman's work will not be a complete and utter twit like the others that have posted here in regards to your review. But I do wish to ask you something. Do you write reviews to give insite on music or do you write reviews to make yourself feel better about how writing reviews for a internet page that no one has heard of?

mber

mber

hmm so adam richman is pretty much amazing.

tyson

tyson

wow, i can't beleive the uproar i caused with this whole thing. it sucks that you guys are crying and your feelings are hurt because of an opinion. get the fuck over it and get on with your lifes. go listen all you want to richman, i don't give a fuck. but don't start getting sensitive because i'm the only person out there that could care less about him. thanks for all the great comments though, it makes me feel good- almost as good as bashing musicians that i feel are weak sauce. i'm not sorry if you were hoping to read some cheese-ass review filled politically correct BS and counter opinions. look at all you guys, you're fucking pathetic. read the review and laugh, cry, get pissed and tell adam what i wrote and fucking move along with your lives. i don't give a fuck. oooh!!! i'll never get anywhere as a critic. big deal. it looks like i lit a fucking fire under your asses though, and that should be worth something. do you really want to know what i don't like about patience and science? okay, everything you fucking guys love, i can't stand. nasally poppy shit and acoustic crap. fuck it, i'm over it. and you pussies need to be as well.

missi

missi

wow. pretty easy to bash someone and call him names, huh? let's see you produce and album on your own and play all the instruments and let's see what happens.

love the album and i love adam. you just need to learn how to write professionally and leave the name calling and swearing to the editorials.

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