Ah the British press! How I love and loathe you at the same time. The hype machine you run over there across the great blue sea is wonder to behold. On occasion, you have brought me tidings of great joy in the form of artists I have grown to admire like Doves, Muse, and Badly Drawn Boy, and for this I must thank you. More frequently though, you have seen fit to bestow upon me a mountain of mediocrity that seems to rear it's ugly head and laugh at my misfortunes. Artists like Feeder, Leaves, The Music, Ms. Dynamite and Toploader come to mind, and it makes me wonder, do you guys have special decoder rings or something that go to these albums because I think mine are broken. No really, I want to like these albums so if you could send me a booklet of instructions on how it's done, that would be super.

Athlete would be yet another one of these bands where I wonder what in the living hell the British press have been getting on about. For nearly six months now, I've read lines like 'Athlete will change your life' and 'Watch out America, here comes Athlete' and 'Did you know Athlete now cures cancer'' Well maybe not that one, but I'm sure you see my point. Now that Vehicles & Animals has been domestically released, does it live up to its billing? After reading the above do you still need to wonder? First track "El Salvador" sounds like Pavement covering Avril Lavigne's "Complicated." Does this sound like listening enjoyment to you? First single "Westside" is great if you love hearing pompous lines like 'Everybody wants to part of the rock scene' sung over and over again, but frankly I'm not that athletic. "New Project" is a mess in the sense that it doesn't know what it wants to be. Is it a light and friendly sing along? Is it a balls out rocker? Who cares. Let's just combine them both! And on the track "Beautiful," when they sing 'Oh'this is beautiful. I've got to soak it up' repeatedly, then try to rock out in the middle of it unsuccessfully, it makes my body wretch uncontrollably like I've just been through an all night bender and now alcohol poisoning is starting to set in. The absolute worst track though has got to be "You Got the Style." When they sing 'It's getting hot in here, there must be something in the atmosphere. You got the style! We got the style! They got the style! And everybody's got it!' it was hard for me not to pick up my laptop and throw it across the room in utter disgust. When you get right to it, Athlete are nothing more than a third-rate sounding Eels meets Super Furry Animals cover band. If I was ever saddled with the choice of listening to this Athlete album again or willingly receiving athlete's foot, I'd have to take the fungus.