This was my first Coachella concert experience. I met up on Friday morning at Adam Mast's house. Hanging out on Adam's couch was the illustrious Kyle England watching Blue's Clues. I was glad to finally meet this legend who allows me to poke fun at him on the website, without having me offed. True he's a good looking guy, I guess, but I never believed the hype until I went on this trip with him and watched the bitches flock to him like bears to a salmon run. The trip was good except for the over priced grease trap in Baker called the Mad Greek, that place sucked.

Now I knew Adam was a movie geek, but when he's with Kyle it's ridiculous. Every one-liner in movie history was recited word for word at least five times on the trip. I entered the land of windmills and epic meth labs to find that Palm Springs is even more of a dive than I'd heard. The Motel 6 was nice though except I saw a guy in a Speedo walking with a little kid from the pool. Isn't that against the law?

When we were in line for the first day a gay dude on acid hit on Andy and Kyle. Obviously this year had a higher Gothic population. You have to hand it to those poor vampire wannabes for coming out of their caves into rays of the sun and risking their pasty complexions for a chance to see Bauhaus and Nine Inch Nails. When I saw a Goth guy wearing a black hoodie under his leather jacket at noon, I discovered that Goth apparel plus hot, sweaty, uncomfortable weather equals hot, sweaty, uncomfortable looking Goth people. Eighty-five degrees at Coachella plus the dry heat factor equals out to about 150. At night however this hellacious weather drops to zero in thirty minutes.

The abundance of Hollywood hipster scensters led me to believe that it's hip to be hip. I haven't seen so many metro-sexuals since I went to that Killers concert. Sunday was the unofficial Emo-day of the weekend. Bright Eyes and Thrice fans were around every corner in little groups of shoe-gazing self-doubt. Speaking of Thrice, some angry concertgoer told us "Thrice is for buttholes." One of the highlights was during Blackstar when Common came out as a special guest and I got to witness 7,000 people crap their pants at the same time. It was a loud
crackly thump. I know this report is short and abrupt but honestly I could go on all day about the details of what went down. So here is my top five.

1. MF Doom. This is the ultimate underground rapper. He raps in a metal mask with his three year old out on stage with him. Buy his album, MMM Food, now!

2. The Chemical Brothers. Holy crap this was out of hand. I had to stand on a milk crate to see it, but it was crazy.

3. Gang of Four. The post-punk revolutionaries have aged a bit, but they still destroy their guitars.

4. Bauhaus. Who? Hey bitch they invented Goth rock. Much respect.

5. The Arcade Fire. They're ten crazy Canadians rocking ass in this band. Don't step to them or they'll crack a Molson bottle over your head.

Biggest let down - New Order. I sat through their whole lame set which included three half-ass Joy Division covers just to hear "Blue Monday" only to here a remix with a Kylie Monogue song. Just retire already.