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"Octavarium" by Dream Theater (2005)

"Octavarium" by Dream Theater

Artist:

Dream Theater

Album:

Octavarium

Released In:

2005

Reviewed By:

The Boneman

Grade:

3.5

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If you look-up the word atavistic in the dictionary, right next to the definition is a picture of Dream Theater. Not only are they an honest to goodness progressive/art/rock band enjoying a fair amount of success in the 21st Century - but wonder of all wonders - they're from America. In case this may sound a little bit jumbled and jivey - in the great salad day of the art-prog bands 1972-1981 there were only a handful of American representatives - and depending upon your tastes, kind of a piss poor lot. America offered Kansas, Alan Parson's Project and Styx, unless we broaden our definition to experi-prog and jazz/fusion where we acquitted ourselves much better with The (Dixie) Dregs, Pat Metheny, Frank Zappa, Captain Beefheart, FM and Group 87, this list goes on to our credit and in fact I've always thought that we should be able to count Steely Dan and the Grateful Dead.

Though I've managed to gerrymander a respectable team (if I've left out your favorite American Progsters don't get mad - get even, type in a scathing rebuttal on our message board and call me a fuckstick just like some guy named Danny did just this morning (by the way I'm sorry Dan, you right, Dirty Work is a classic film and I'm just a blithering idiot for not recognizing it I'm such a wanker sometimes.) The point I'm making here is that when it was cool to like art rock, the U K had an undeniable monopoly on it - so all's the better that this throw-back of an art rock outfit called Dream Theater are bloody yanks. Hip Hurray. Now on to the matter of deciding if they're any good.

First off I have to confess to a rather regrettable ignorance about the whole Dream Theater phenomenon, for a time I had them garbled up with that one-hit-wonder outfit from '85 called Dream Academy. Which I realize is not even technically an excuse. Then I got off on a bad foot with DT by listening to a few tracks off of Train of Thought, both of which struck me as kind of an Yngwie Malmstein minus the self-control, I've never been one for the guitar solo as a form of autoeroticism - all the truly classic guitar solos favor composition over speed. Since this is my website I'm going to tell you all what the two greatest guitars solos are just because I'm feeling so effusive and generous. Number one: Steve Hackett "Supernatural Anesthethist" from Genesis' Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. Number Two Larry Carlton "Third World Man" from Steely Dan's Gaucho. Write in with your favorites.

In any case, I'm happy to report that other than a few lapses Octavarium displays a much different John Petrucci than I heard on those masturbatory tracks from DT's previous record. He can't help but hit the gas a number of times - but his speed is largely generated by using lots of hammer-ons and offs - however if you listen carefully, there are some tasty solos and more importantly he uses his guitar to create alot of nice atomospheric stuff - one note at a time. Unquestionably the finest musician on the Dream Team is Jordan Rudess on keys. This guy is a bona fide genius in every area - you could put this guy up against anybody. He's got insane speed, crazy original rhythmic sensibilities - and it's quite obvious that he is the musical leader of the band. His most prominent touchstone is Keith Emerson - in the world of newfangled medicine men this guy is the latest and greatest brain salad surgeon and he wields one fucking mean scalpel - just stand back and watch him operate - and don't get a sleeve caught up in there or you'll pull back a bloody stump - CLEAR. I understand the band used to have a different key-player who quit so he could go off and languish in obscurity, and in the best midseason acquisition since Yes picked up Bill Bruford, DT signed Rudess (who at the time was a touring member of the Dregs - cred doesn't get any credier than that folks.)

The one thing that is just absolutely undeniable about Dream Theater is their musical virtuosity. Bassist John Myung and drummer Mike Portnoy are smart enough to understand that a band of all-stars needs roll-players and for their part they let their chops shine whenever possible, but aren't showboaters like the rest of the band. Musically they lean toward the more Metallic end of the spectrum, but Octavarium is a departure from the heavier side of this - much like their 97 release Falling into Infinity. In terms of contemporary influences, or kindred spirits, Muse certainly leaps to mind, as does Opeth in their more metallic moments. Vocalist James Labrie is a good match for a band that flies so many different musical colors. He can go from sounding almost fey and falsetto to digging in and going down and dirty.

For fans of these guys I'll put you up on something you'll probably find pretty interesting. There was a shortlived off-shoot band who had a singer named Noel McCalla who sounded exactly like Labrie. Their drummer was Simon Phillips from Camel, and their percussionist was Neil's brother Morris Pert. On Keyboards was original Genesis guitarist Anthony Phillips - who you may remember suffered from crippling stage fright and would eventually hand over the job to Steve Hackett. And their bassist and guitarist, why the lanky one Mike Rutherford. It was a time when Phil Collins was feeling it coming in the air tonight, and Tony Banks was off making A Curious Feeling, 1980 - the deathnell of "art" rock, the year King Crimson retooled, bringing on Adrian Belew and Bill Bruford for their tech-prog agenda. Amid it all Mike Rutherford gathered a few old friends and made an album called Smallcreeps Day. An album that sounds more like Dream Theater than you would dare to dream.

:: zBoneman.com Reader Comments ::

Styx Rules!

Styx Rules!

I don't get this band and its fans. This album as well as 2003's Train of Thought & 2 of their DVDs are listed on the top 20 all-time best selling list on CD Universe's site. Octavarium was just released in June and it's already a #4 best seller. And the site's been up for like 10 years. What's up with that.

Dream This

Dream This

Petrucci is a god and when he masturbates you better hit your knees and lick it up like a bitch. Oh and by the way the best guitar solo ever belongs to Jimmy Page and I'm not going to bother to single one out.

Bartley

Bartley

I'm glad you like the guy's guitar work and everything but that was just wrong. I'll be the rest of the day getting all that out of my mind.

Taste that

Taste that

I happen to be a huge fan of Dream Theater, but I've got to agree with the last guy that was in pretty bad taste.

Dream This Again

Dream This Again

Well pardon me for offending your fragile little sensibilities. We are still talking about rock and roll are we not?

??YOUR SECRET LOVE INTREST???!!!

??YOUR SECRET LOVE INTREST???!!!

Rob Jones really dropped the ball on this one, judging by his Hessian gear I bet he likes these guys a lot and shit. Oh well, i'm glad the Boneman got off his lard ass and reviewed this album, since after all he is such a huge fan of prog rock judging from his tell all review of Dredge and his assault on the Secret Machines message board. This mega-Thor core, monumental metal landscaped shit is insane but I wouldn't call it entertaining. Change of Seasons was "alright" but that was like ten years ago and I don't really care about all the other albums in between because there is something more important brewing here.

The Boneman actually sat down with me the other day to explain a few of his thoughts on prog and lead guitar yet mysteriously said nothing of Dream Theater, the tabloid proclaimed modern muse of prog art fag rock shit. I was amazed by this since the Yngwie Malmsteen type of goof ball "hey looky at me" guitar shit was of great interest. He seemed agitated when I mentioned DT, how strange. Anyway Me and the Boneman, oh sorry the Boneman and I bro(d) down for like an hour which is amazing since most people have never even see him leave his compound, much like the local cat woman up on the hill. I do however recall him mentioning something about how Yngwie Malmsteen masturbates a lot when he plays. Not like rubbing out a quick one, but more like he gets a Joe Walsh look on his face and literally gives his guitar a gnarlyfull hand job.

So I came to the conclusion, if Change of Seasons was a full on brutal masturbation marathon ending with a shower of celebrated ejaculation then this album is like the same thing only your mom screams at your room, "What the hell are you doing? Go help your dad do some yard work." and totally fuck up the whole experience to the point of a full-blown blue balls outbreak. So basically I was praying that I wouldn't go blind from hearing so much of John Petrucci's masturbation habits personified as hella wah-wah peddle effects. I also remember one time Boneman was hating super hard on the 80's super group Asia at there lame attempt at "prog" rock…well Boneman I guess some of this album may feel like an extended stay in Asia complete with "the final countdown" spaz-out keyboard solos and serious fucking lyrics bro. I mean you could set a high budget theatrical opera or something to this lyrically fuck-faced combo of word patterns. Picture the singer douche doing his patented open arms looking out transformation to the crouch down with closed arms maneuver aka "the collapse of eternity." I like this move almost as much as when Creed perfected it in that one video except with the hands on the forehead of seriousness looking out on a cliff with wind blowing as he paces stressing out over some bitch or his eternal salvation plan. I couldn't tell but on "I walk beside you", they slipped in a chorus that sounds something like a crazy hyped up born again Christian contemporary rock pop singer ranting about how pissed he is and will skull fuck the first person that steps up. I know that sounds weird but that's how it is.

Getting back on track of the album contents I can say that the opening song rocks my asshole loose and may be "too prog to handle" for some newcomers to the confusing world of "what is prog rock or art rock." Track two is just fucking horrible-it's like Lambchop's Play Along meets sludgy prog rock. It does however pick up some momentum along the way comparable to a snail rolling over a piece of acid you dropped in your organic hippie garden. Bottom line: five minutes and twenty seconds too long- fuck that shit. The rest of Octavarium is "alright" ranging from songs so seriously titled as "panic attack' and "These walls" complete with more opera shit, tech gnar breakdowns and stuff, and sad/depressing songs that make you want to yell "Bbuuuuzzzz kiilllll bro, change the CD." As a friend once told me, "It's rare when you find a young person that likes DT or even has heard of them." True, yes but it is even more popular when you find anyone who is over this stuff in general. Whoa dude with long rocker hair, I'm sorry but your "epic" music is dirt head music and makes want to go to a dirt show in the desert with my girlfriend, Keystone Light.

Once again though through all this abusing of DT I'm brought back to what the Boneman and I were talking about, I had so many questions. Finally in his Dredge review I slipped him an ambiguous message on the massage boards, it read, "do you like dream theater or do they masterbate too much?" In retaliation for the stupid remark the Boneman verbally ripped me a new asshole for mentioning DT and reprimanded me for severally annoying him by my misspelling masturbation (which made me wonder which one should be used, Dream Theater or Dream Theatre?). I guess it is a touchy subject for the Boneman. Maybe DT is the black sheep of prog and Boneman doesn't like to talk about them much like the time you had sex with the fat mom from next door so she would smoke you out. Whatever, all this mysteriousness is getting crazy. But listening to this I realized that Dream Theater is not prog but more like heavy opera music.

I tried and I pleaded but 75 minutes of "masturbation" is fucked up. The longest I did it for was about the same time to see how intense it would be but it really only hurt. So I just started painting my D and D figures fantasizing about how awesome the next "Wet Dream Theater" would be.

The Boneman

The Boneman

I feel bad now, Tys - you know I appreciate all of the many things that you do for me, seriously - you're not sore are ya. Is it a matter of more generous gratuities? - We can work it out bro - you have to understand that I was a world renown expert on art rock 2 years before you were born - it's nothing personal - it's just when they throw a hanging curveball right into my wheel house I gotta step up and put that baby in the bleachers. I don't pretened to know anything about Lumberjack-core? Rob Jones - come on man?

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