God, I honestly didn't think that Gwen Stefani could get any worse than that wretched 2004 solo debut L.A.M.B. but I was wrong. Congrats Gwen, you've topped yourself and made one of, if not the worst album of 2006. Making something as abysmal as The Sweet Escape surprisingly takes a lot of A list music industry pros. Everyone from Swizz Beatz to Linda Perry to former No Doubt bass player Tony Kanal all come up to the proverbial production plate to help Stefani swing, miss and fall flat on her ass. The biggest culprit to blame here though (besides the obvious dumb blonde singing) is The Neptunes. Pharrell and Co. produced over half of this dreck and it's blatantly obvious after one listen of this trash that they brought their D game to the proceedings (apparently Lupe Fiasco and Clipse DID clean out all of the good ideas in the Neptunes closet this year). I mean, c'mon guys! "Yummy" has the exact same beat to Kelis' "Milkshake," did you not think anyone would notice?

I don't want anyone to think however that The Sweet Escape is solely all the producers' fault. There's someone else here we need to be talking about that needs to be verbally bitch-slapped. That's right Gwen! Come on down! You're the next contestant on I'm A conceitedly vapid bitch! With lyrics this laughable, never in a million years should you print them in the CD jacket booklet. Best to leave them off and hope that the passages that are hard to make out will be mistaken for genius. But No - Gwen is so proud. These songs are like her children and here they are for all of us to read! Reading these lyrics is like looking at reports of how our federal government spends our tax dollars, I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the absolute absurdity. By now I'm sure you've heard the first single "Wind It Up" and I have just one question. Who out there was clamoring for Stefani to yodel to Sound of Music samples? Who? But here it is contributing to the music world about as much as a festering open wound.

"Orange County Girl" is nothing more than a poorly disguised faux Hip-Hop version of No Doubt's "Just A Girl" and "Breakin' Up" and "Don't Get It Twisted" are so gloriously horrible that simple words don't do them justice. You truly do have to hear these ear-bleeders to believe them; the beats, the lyrics, AAAHHHH! When it comes to trash, these two are the Picasso's of the rubbish heap. It's amazing to think Stefani was once revered as one of the leading front-women of the 90's, then to see her reduced to this rancid rubble. Creatively bankrupt, The Sweet Escape shows Stefani for what she has become which is nothing more than a studio/industry whore. The only sweet escape for listeners (who have been duped into buying this on Stefani's previous merits alone) will no doubt (da da, ching!) be when they eject this disc from their players and chuck it in the recycle bin (is toxic waste recyclable? Here's hoping).