The other night I was in my room being all dorky listening the Jefferson Airplane with my door open. My roommate was taking a shower and just to be rude he popped in some agro-con Victory metal sampler. The two distinctive sound-waves floated around the house in kind of an awkward danse macrbre - there seemed to be a lot of flirting and sizing each other up, Grace Slick was flashing her bedroom eyes, and of course jun-jun was flashing his bedroom size. It wasn't long before they could no longer contain their primal instincts and they collided passionately somewhere near the laundry room and fucked in an insane kind of demonic sonic fury. You gotta hand it to the old gal - she took all jun-jun could dish-out and at last when it was all said and jun, after jun-jun had collapsed in total exhaustion into a pile of my whites, Grace stood true to her name and rather casually tossed jun-jun back his spent discharge in a small box with a ribbon and bow. Another typical night at my place.

The reason I decided to share such a colorful story with our fine readers is because Hella makes music like that. Fast, sexy and crazed, uncompromising tempos blended with some totally opposite mellower tempos. Ooh, wait; what's that now, an organ is thrown into the orgy of noise. I think it's an organ of sorts anyway? After what I'd just witnessed in the laundry room I'd more than had my fill of organ. (Wait, that doesn't sound right?) Fuck it, maybe it was just a tricky guitar voicing and not an organ at all. Even the part with some crazy tweaker bitch yelling about a bike or something sounded intriguing to the point of bafflement. Luckily the steady build up of guitar lacerating in the first song dies out before my speakers burst into flames. Deadly drum rolls of constant bazooka powder blasts hype me up for that part of the EP where there's more fast crazy banging, only this time it marches to the synthetic walloping blips of a Sega Genesis. Ooh, track three…this one sounds serious. Here's a fistful of abnormally fast drumming. Hella has got that huge, heavy sound the size and texture of big thick rhino nuts dragging on the ground during a stampede. But I don't have to tell Hella fans that.

Track four gets weird man. You know something is going on when you've listening for half an hour and you look down and it's only the fourth song. But in all honesty what is the fucking point to this EP? Is it a fucking teaser to the next big project coming out? Wow, I can't wait! More ballistic, delusional, over-dramatic metal-prog-electro-stoner rock shit to just sit there and try to wrap my poor little brain around. What the fuck this is supposed to inspire me to do, I really couldn't say. Rig up some sweet fiber-optic lights in the aquarium? Whatever. I guess a lot of "critics" are jacking off all over gorilla fuck music like this. Sorry folks, yes I am. I mean this shit is good, don't get me wrong, but a few times is enough. No one is built to withstand this kind of sonic blitzkrieg on a frequent basis. It's worth owning just so you can drag it out randomly for curious friends and guests to show them this freakish side-show beast known as Hella. It's some hella rugged-ass shit.