If you like songs about road rage and drinking, mixed with girl trouble and a lot of freakin' songs that use the fuck word - then step right up bitch, The Lawrence Arms are about to give you the reach-around of a lifetime. With their Arms-loaded with power chords, and goofy lyrics about confrontation and shit - these guys are like Hootie and the Blowfish meets Bad Religion. Or should I say a bar band with both Rancid singers locked in a "last man standing" drinking contest with Leatherface.

I'll be boring and just say that Cocktails and Dreams is not as good as their last (The Greatest Story Ever Told), but the amount of pick scrapes and a tight but sloppy examples of fine guitarmanship puts the band somewhere in the range of Propaghandi epicness - (I'm sorry Boneman, I mean epicitude).

Listening to their lyrics, makes you want to crack up most of the time - but as lame as they can be - there's some sort of dark comic genius floating around in there. "Another Boring Story" has that classic rodeo boogey power - with some serious riffing bro. Death Metal throwbacks are always a nice touch. "The Old Timer's 2x4" is a hammer song that uses aluminum-melting breakdowns and rib cage crushing stops and starts. Nothing like Dream Theater, mind you - but we're getting warmer.

The originally raw dog "Turnstiles" was remixed into a fine song with the help of the chorus from Hot Water Music's "Turnstile." This is the diamond song of the album; the rest can be about as rough as sitting through a eulogy at a Claims Adjuster's funeral. Actually, The Lawrence Arms are one of the more interesting new comers in the "punk and emo" section of your local music store. Mostly because of the insane presence of Brendan Kelly. A legend in the Chicago underground scene - he cut his teeth playing in such raucous outfits as the ska-oriented Slapstick, where he gleefully sang of the most extreme rude-boy scenarios. Kelly has one of those really abrasive and annoying voices, but for some inexplicable reason it's also very warm and cuddly. Like a puppy completely covered with pus-filled scabs.

Later he joined up with the anti-pollution and commercialism idealists known only as The Broadways, a great band that no one ever heard. This is one the first bands that started a style of punk/emo/post-hardcore music that can only be categorized as drunk-core. One listen to the Broadways and your living room would mysteriously wind up with piles of empties, a one-armed prostitute and huge stain on your carpet. Then for weeks afterward any time you played your stereo you could smell Pabst coming through your speakers.

Finally in 1999 after the unfortunate demise of The Broadways, Brendan Kelly sought refuge in the warm arms of Chris McCaughlan and Neil Hennessey (please don't do some gay play on words here - you overbearing "why don't I just re-wirte the entire review myself" fucking douche-bag editor). With a twelve pack and a good bro-down sesh, The Lawrence Arms were born. There are also three hidden tracks buried deep within the album. Only the true music nerds will seek out these creepers. It actually seems more like an acoustic vs. electric face off challenge. It truly boggles the mind why the band actually bothered to record and add these hidden heaps. It's just a lot of goofball shit. They must have decided that the average consumer deserved just a little extra for their 15 bucks. (By the way I didn't write that ending the Douche-man did - what a genius!)