Yes! Finally the "metal dude's" list; I'm sure you're beside yourself with excitement. So people keep asking me if it was a good year or not. I really don't know. I really don't give a shit. And I was kidding, no one has ever asked me anything of the kind. I do, however, remember some noticeable gaps in between releases that made me wonder what the hell was going on. I suppose if you were a band of beer drinking wastoids from Florida then it might've been a good year. Or if you were some bawd-ass rapper/turned loose cannon in the middle of hurricane telethons watching Mike Myers soil himself in front of millions, yeah - it was probably a good year. But what is good in music to me is probably the worst thing in the world to say, Mother Hubbard or Wolfman Slack who sifted through the flotsam and jetsam to find the best indie stuff. I don't know though. Too many larger scale things happened this year in the world to go around fondling one another over some obscure genius crouched behind a bush in BFE. But what do I know? Here's my goddamn list - backwards just to piss Kevin off.

25. At The Drive-In- This Station is Non-Operational (I'm breaking the stupid rules by including a greatest hits package, butt fuck it, ATDI is the greatest afro swinging spaz bands of all time.)
24. Sufjan Stevens- Illinois (Singer/song-writer fag rubs me the right way. Sings about how cool Illinois is and was. Challenging.)
23. M83- Before the Dawn Heals Us (Ambient noise to drop trou to.)
22. The Russian Futurists- Our Thickness (A red-headed step-child is behind all of this blipping, goof-tronic glee.)
21. Hella- Homeboy EP (Hella is a sweet word that Vegas kids hella use. I like these progressive electronica nerds and all their weird shit.)
20. Hockey Night- Keep Guessin' (Poppy rock like Piebald but won't make you feel like a fag after you listen to it.)
19. The Mars Volta- Frances the Mute (Gnarly "prog" from the shit-stained underwear of ATDI but nothing like it, if you don't know by now, you never will.)
18. System of a Down- Hypnotize (I never liked these stringy-haired skeezicks until these two albums came out this year. Burly riffs that makes Rick Rubin's beard grow exponentially just like his bank account.)
17. Gorillaz- Demon Days (Whoa dude put it on "Dare" while I take this ecstasy then turn it to that Dennis Hopper song so I can drop this tab.)
16. Sleater-Kinney- The Woods (These hardcore gals will give you a bj then spit your load right back in your little pussy face. Ho ho ho - who wouldn't go? Rocking ass anthems for all the good boys and girls!)
15. Bloc Party- Silent Alarm (I like these guys but enough with trying extra hard at the accent thing. We get it, you're from England, big fucking deal. So is every other band these days.)
14. One Dirty Hand (Rare import from the land of Oregon. O.G. rock with the feel of cheep beer and sarcasm.)
13. The Raveonettes- Pretty in Black (Surf-goth-pop goes Motown - The vampire-in-training and his hot blonde ass-istant kick out the sweet jams - a little too doo-woppy, but it sounds good.)
12. Against Me! - Searching for a Former Clarity (Agro- bros from the G-ville. They like to scream and bitch and get paid by Fat Mike.)
11. Danger Doom- The Mouse and the Mask (Ultra collaboration by MF Doom and Danger Mouse. If you didn't know that…well then go in the bathroom and take a solo. Adult Swim is there as well. They might as well put Zigzags in with the liner notes.)
10. Quasimoto- The Further Adventures of Lord Quas (Madlib breaks it the fuck down on this shit. Pass the bong and enjoy as the samples from the edge of the galaxy are meshed with some whack-ass helium based quasi-genius. Trife!!!)
9. Matisyahu- Live at Stubb's (Hebrew reggae. Includes a beat box track that is beyond kosher. It also includes those crazy looking sideburn dreads that rabbis love so much. Very orthodox so tear a page out of the Torah and roll up fukakta fattie)
8. Between the Buried and Me- Alaska (I'm sure people won't agree with this choice and I don't care. I felt the vibrations of wild bison blazing across the frozen tundra on this slagheap of metal shit.)
7. Dungen- Ta det Lugnt (Roughly translated the title refers to the Scandanavian practice of filling a tube sock full of Lugnuts and beating your neighbor unconscious. Many of the songs follow the story of a deaf Swede who bangs his head against the wall while watching the evening news, because the vibrations simulate actual sound. Sadly, all the pounding upsets his neighbor and "knock knock knock" guess who pays a visit with a tube sock? Epic, epic shit!!!)
6. Common- Be (Chicago is on fire these days! And it ain't because of that nasty hag Old Lady Leary and her cow. Common is the main monster of the midway and this album makes me hope his next shit is as tight as Be's extravagant soul-bearing blaze. Wow!!!)
5. Bear vs. Shark- Terrorhawk (Post-hardcore getting aggressive to the point of a static electricity turning to spontaneous combustion. Stand back bitch!)
4. The Evens (Ian drops his Fugazi spin-kicks for a soft baritone steelo with the help of a lady friend named Amy Farina (Check spelling )
3. Make Believe- Shock of Being (Joan of Arc side-project. Just like a heroin suppository, it takes a minute to take effect, but once it does you're hooked.) (Check smelling).
2. System of a Down- Mezmerize (Check number 18.)
1. MF Black (mix tape) (Jay Z's Black album with MF Doomage beats. Savory!!!!)

In case you run out of toilet paper, use these.
1. Adam Richman- Patience and Science (Barf. How's that for a blurb.)
2. Every time I die- Gutter Phenomenon (They say they're not fashion-core douche bags but as far as I'm concerned, the writing is on the wall.)
3. Death By Stereo- Death for Life (sorry Efrem)

Predictions 4 '06:

Emo will be replaced with gay club techno; thus forcing dozens of bands to alter their names - for example Blink 182 will become Twink 182, Jimmy Eat World will become Jimmy Eat Earl, The Used will become The Oozed, The New Amsterdams will become the New Hamstercrams, New Found Glory will become Drew Pounds Cory, Fountains of Wayne will become Fountains in Wayne, Boy Sets Fire will become Boy Lets Tyler, Blackeyed Peas will become Browneyed Squeeze, Megadeth will become Smegmabreath, Badly Drawn Boy will become Bradley On Troy, The Living End will become The Giving End, The Tiger Army will become the Tiger Navy, Bright Eyes will become Brown Eyes, and Hot Hot Heat will become Scott's Hot Meat. Of course a lot of bands won't have to chang their names to stay up with this huge new trend, for example: Head Autonomica, Gay Dad, Flaming Lips, Korn, Open Hand, The Futureheads, The Go-Betweens, Cave In., and The Moving Units, In response to this hot new trend, kids will cut the armpits out of their shirts as a new fashion statement. Bam Margera dies. Strange new Australian Aborigine rap group forms called Lil' Nuts and the fans come screaming. Asian metal core bands get hot; yet cool enough for even the parents. Tommy Chong does the soundtrack for a new Toy Story installment. And finally Dashboard's Chris Carraba and Bright Eyes' Conor Oberst team up and spearhead the "Rejection Lasts a Lifetime" tour, which will also include shows with the reunited and surprisingly politically active and social conscious Fat Boys who will showcase tunes from their new release "Eat Against Bush," which showcases some burly pie-eating contests (Fat Mike will be pissed about this, I'm sure).