To be honest I didn't really give a shit about going to see this show. I just really wanted to get plowed and bro down with my dawgs. Plus it was a free concert. What's that you say, free. Yes that's right, free. In honor of Vegas' centennial the mayor wanted to throw the biggest birthday bash in the world. 50,000 tickets were given away on the Internet and were gone in seven minutes. I have to thank Andy for hooking this up. It was a pretty fun time. Once again Adam Mast's brand new top of the line Honda Odyssey was pressed into service for the trip. On a magic carpet across the desert we flew.

I brought along my good Asian friend Ed "The Changsta" Chang to entertain and keep the hoes in check. I couldn't really tell if Adam and Andy were really liking Ed or just resisting the urge to scream "shut the fuck up" half the time. He is quite a loud smart-ass that can make a rap song out of any beat you throw at him. Which jangles your nervous system at about the same level as seven two-year olds in a candy store. Oh well at least I was entertained, while the old men in the front of the van used tampons to prevent the sand from creeping up their sweating vaginas. As we were driving Ed and myself were already slightly stupid from a bong-out fest earlier and thus kept bugging Adam to stop so we could get some beer.

Finally with a sigh he gave in and stopped at the world famous Valley Of Fire Tribal Enterprises truck stop about thirty miles out of Vegas. Let me just tell you this place sucks a fat horse cock. I didn't realize it was the Fourth of July weekend and that this is the only place around to get "the fucking bad ass fireworks." Basically the line to get in the teepee stretched all the way back to Mesquite. We didn't even want fireworks - just a beer man. Screw that place. That was one of the lamest events of my life. But Adam did get his midol and we pressed on.

Anyway we arrived in Vegas hungry as shit, arguing like little bitches about where we were going to eat. Finally we settled on Hooters at the Sunset Station (I think). Again the excursion was kind of like a trip - if you get my drift. Good God - Hooters is so overrated and lame that I just about went in the restroom and hung myself on the revolving towel rack. The waitresses were hot and everything but all there was to eat were haggard looking and ever-so-chewy hamburgers and Buffalo wings that make you crap lava. We did, however, make it out alive and headed for Wal-mart for alcohol and hauled ass back to the show in seach of good parking. This is where things get hazy (I think the fact that the Odyssey's AC crapped-out didn't help the situation either). Andy, Adam and Ed polished off a bottle of this Hypnotique stuff in five minutes and I pounded two or three Foster's fat cans in about the same. We walked into the event stumbling over each other wondered where we could kill an hour before the show started. Ed took off on his own and Adam, Andy, and myself decided to chill-out in the Camel Cigarette lounge. That place was awesome. It had these strippers dancing under a showerhead teasing every guy in sight. We all just sat there inebriated, drooling at the hot wet flesh twinkling in the sun. Finally The Adolescents played their set which was okay I suppose. It was a little "hard" to walk as we made our way out of the Camel lounge, but right away we found a free wine tasting area. I was the only one that drank mine though, Adam and Andy "weren't feeling it."

Wow Weezer is really boring. They played the hits and acted cool but it was still just terrible. The Peppers are a really good band man. I could give a rat's ass about them, but they know how to perform. We gathered each other up and left early to try and avoid the other 50,000 people doing the same. But wait, the trip is not over yet. How about we go see a midnight showing of the stoner classic, The Dark Crystal. I fell asleep during the movie, but occasionally woke up to Adam's laughter. Finally we left that shit hole town and came home. It was 5:30 in the morning when we got to Adam's house. I was tired as shit, but Ed was surprisingly coherent due to a great deal of experience when it comes to long nights of clubbing. Holla back bitches.