Comic Con 2006: Boneman's Report 1

The geek shall inherit the earth.

Wow – Comic Con is the fucking bomb. It's my fourth major film festival this year, and although Comic Con is much more than a film festival the studios treat it like one and they show up ready to wow you with their new shit. Never have I seen so many big-name stars and directors being trotted out so willing to interact with the fans. It's infectious everyone is just having a ball and it just spreads like geek fever. It's so much better than Halloween, because it's not cold so chicks can dress up in skimpy little Wonder Woman outfits, or sexy flying vampires (I don't know what all this weirdness is all about) it's just tens of thousands of people who get to fly their true colors for 4 days.

Adam and I arrived Wednesday afternoon with Tyler and Tom (our photographers) in tow, first we went and picked up one of our writers Kyle England from the airport, swung by the Convention Center to get our press necklaces then we were off to see the Raconteurs in concert. (We'll cover the show separately – but it was pretty cool to see Jack White for the first time. It just seems weird that he's never sat in to jam with Tenacious D. I've gotta fever and the only prescription is to see Jack White and Jack Black rock out on some Zeppelin. And while I'm wishing, maybe Rosario Dawson playing some naked cowbell. Appoint me your king – and I shall see to it that this and many other wonders come to pass. (Note to self: Set up Boneman For King feature on site. It's not like I have delusions of grandeur, but Bush as president is kinda played out, I have long hair and a beard and I'd make a just and noble ruler. King Boneman – I don't know that shit's got a ring to it.) Anyway,

DAY ONE:

The biggest problem with Comic Con, is that to take it all in, to get in their grab the front row, in order to come away with every nuance and the coolest reports – all the great lines by the funniest people you've got to kick ass and take notes. You get up at 7:30 and you don't get to bed before 2:30 – 3:00. Which sucks because it really leaves almost no time to get any beer consumed. Comic – Con is for kids and all, so you can't enjoy a refreshing barley pop in the facility and an "open bar" like many of the other festivals – forget about it. We did see a fairly funny film called Accepted that I'll review in a bit, that landed me an invite to a barbecue with kegs – I took advantage of that, but that was the likes of it.

Lions Gate Presentation.

Lions Gate is Adam's new hero – I haven't read his report yet, but he must have said those very words 25 times over the course of two days. I think it has to do with the fact that they're responsible for putting the horror film back on the map. With some class. I must say I finally saw Descent and it scared the holy living crap out of me. First time I've been really scared for I don't know how long. That night in the hotel I crawled in bed with Adam, he stroked my hair and said "It's only a movie." He was talking about Brokeback Mountain. Lion's Gate started off with the panel responsible for a film called Skinwalkers.

Skinwalkers

The Panel consisted of director Jim Isaac, and producer Stan Winston. First up was a teaser that was really pretty boring. I expected to see a werewolf, or at least a guy who could use a good waxing. But the clip was more like bad guy sorta cowboy kinda guys holding a man and his wife hostage in a cabin. The dialogue was like "Tell us where the boy is or I'm gonna carve your husband up while you watch" he twists her face toward her husband, "one last time lady, where's the boy, or I start cutting – slow like until you won't recognize him from a pumpkin." Again she holds her tongue, the guy twists her head and she starts to scream, cut to logo Skinwalkers

Isaac began the discussion by saying that in the modern era there's only been two good werewolf movies, An American Werewolf in London and The Howling, and he became excited about making the ultimate werewolf film. When he got this script from writer James DeMonacco and Todd Harthan he became excited and called Stan Winston and told him, I've got the script. Strangely, then they both started talking about how there is no transformation, no prosthetics no Cgi, something much more scary – basically all I could make out of this, is guys turning into total assholes and maybe biting or something. They seemed unsure of themselves when the audience expressed their confusion by remaining completely silent. Which prompted Winston to declare "these are werewolves that will fuck you up." Everybody's like okay – how? With like a knife, like in the teaser, that's not very scary? Isaac outlined the story about two separate werewolf families. One interested in hiding their nature and living peaceful lives and the other about using their lupine nature to create power, to have crazy rad sex and to get rich. I swear he intimated that the latter was responsible thing to do, like they owed it to themselves to use their powers for evil. It was just weird and I can't imagine the film being very good. Look for it in early 07 Next up was a panel to discuss Crank –

Crank

I won't go into much detail here because I believe Tyler wanted to run with this one. The film stars Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Efren Ramirez (Pedro from Nap Dyn) and Dwight Yoakum. Written and Directed by Brian Taylor and Mike Neveldine, Crank tells the story of a man who wakes up on the wrong side of his head. Statham is a hitman who learns that he's been injected with some sort of fancy poison that will kill him if his heart-rate drops below a certain point. Thus he must exact revenge on his killers before his heart craps out. Edited from the film is a sequence where he watches the Pamela and Tommy Lee video to keep his heart-rate up while he takes a breather. The directors discussed their tandem shooting method, crediting it with how quickly they were able to complete the film. "After 10 years in porn you learn to get the scenes in the can," said Taylor. (They actually did say that bit – I made up the Pamela Lee bit.Statham spoke fondly of his opportunity to work with Jet Li in the upcoming Rogue. (Check out our advanced review of Jet Li's final martial arts film Fearless in the Movie Reviews section.) Since Fearless is reportedly Jet Li's "final" marshal arts film, does that mean he's planning on an early retirement or is he planning on branching into romantic comedy? Jet Li and Diane Lane star in Must Love Dragons.

Saw 3

This certainly was one of the more interesting panels of the day. Along with director Darren Bousman and writer Leigh Whannell they also brought out actors Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith and Mark Burg. There's something just a bit bizarre about a group of people so jovially discussing sadistic murder. After the panel turned it over to audience Q&A, someone asked what their favorite death-trap devise was, to which each of the panel had a ready answer as if they'd been asked their favorite flavor of Ice Cream. Of course the hands down favorite was the helmet contraption that would tear your head off above your mouth and send it caroming around the room. To be honest that was my favorite too. One interesting note that I'll interject here is that the questions posed by the audience were quite good, nicely articulated and well thought out. As opposed to the questions you typically hear at Sundance. "How long did it take to shoot the movie?"

With each new panel and film being presented I would always come up with what I thought was the most salient question. Had I felt like standing in line for my 15 seconds of fame, I would have asked the director if it was scripted for Cary Elwes to act so badly, or did that just come naturally. And if the latter were true, was there ever a time where they considered starting over with an actor who doesn't suck? By the way Tobin Bell really is the character he plays in the film. He was so stoic and gravelly he made Clint Eastwood look like Quentin Tarantino. The main point the writer and director wanted to get across is that 3 is going to be much more character-driven. There will be far fewer doomed souls and by the end you will know them and feel badly when they are disemboweled like a fish. Whannell was quoted as saying "3 will make 2 look like Disney." I thought it was Disney?

The Tripper

This film is David Arquette's directorial debut and is a slasher/horror film set at a large outdoor concert ala Phish or Grateful Dead. The killer is obsessed with Ronald Reagan and seeks to make these kids who clearly have forgotten to "Just Say No," pay for their wanton ways. David Arquette sort of stepped out of his usual steady, well-organized and together image and sadly announced that he had lost the teaser clip that he'd brought with him to show. With no clip, he and his cast pretty much had to adlib for their lives and not surprisingly they pulled it off quite well. Arquette is a charming guy who can think on his feet and he managed to turn his blunder to his advantage and got several laughs – but not as big as the one I got. At some point he told the crowd that the name of his character in the film is Muff, and pretty soon the audience began to clamor for the panel to act out a scene from the film, to which I hollered, "Come on – show us your Muff?" Brought down the house and the panel. Proud moment for the Boneman. I wouldn't be surprised if this film is a sleeper hit. It stars Thomas Jane, Lucas Haas, Paul Reubens, Jason Mewes, and Jamie King.

Pan's Labyrinth

Although this panel consisted only of director Guillermo del Toro and actor Doug Jones, it was far and away the most entertaining and inspiring thing I saw at the Con. Although I'm a fan of del Toro's films I'm a far greater fan of the man himself. First of all he possesses a quick and razor swift wit and he doesn't brook any bullshit. He tells it like it is, and does not mince words – he's just one great big lovable teady bear of a man. He's like a cross between Peter Jackson and Harry Knowles.

The man spoke of many things all the while bringing the packed hall to tears with his frequent witticisms. He defended the Fantasy and Horror genre, by pointing out that they are able to represent political and societal themes that have more validity to our every day lives than other genres. He was very proud of Pan's Labyrinth because it was the first fantasy genre film ever accepted by Cannes "by allowing a Mexican film of a different genre than the festival is accustomed to Cannes had added a whole new flavor to the banquet."

Answering the question of whether he prefers working in Mexico doing his Spanish films, or in Hollywood doing English spoken films, he said that every time he shoots in Mexico it's like starting again from square one, because you can make a film with vision, faith and balls – three things that Hollywood knows nothing about. He showed a generous clip from pan's Labyrinth that was visually sumptuous and reminded me a bit of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. The film takes place in 1939 post-Spanish Civil War and is a companion piece to The Devil's Backbone. The film involves a young girl who bore a resemblance to Lucy of Narnia fame – she is a chosen soul who ventures into a fantastical world and in some respects del Toro admitted it is similar to Alice in Wonderland. The film uses this rich tableau to illuminate issues both political and social and I for one cannot wait to see it.

Then the crowd turned it's questions toward del Toro's next film – HP Lovecraft's Mountains of Madness, he was a bit more tight-lipped about this project but mentioned that he would be working with many of the people who are in his other films – notably Ron Perlman and Doug Jones. All he would say about Mountains of Madness is that after you see it you're going to want to go off into a corner and cry and jerk-off until you're out of both of these bodily fluids. The crowd ate this up, but I must confess the metaphor is lost on me.

Hellboy 2 was discussed as well, and del Toro was very excited about it, but regrettably it is going to have to wait until a whole bunch of studio politics are sorted out. I for one cannot wait, Hellboy is my favorite of del Toro's films.

Upon leaving this panel I was inspired and totally spent, we spoke for a few minutes with Quint from aintitcoolnews who sat with us during the presentation and then we were off to catch a screening of a film that will actually be in theaters toward the first of August entitled Accepted.

Accepted (PG-13)
Starring Justin Long, Lewis Black, Blake Lively, Maria Thayer and Adam Herschman
Directed by Steve Pink

Accepted is a funny and entertaining (if a bit inconsistent) trip back to the kind of teen flicks popular in the 80s. Films like Risky Business, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller's Day Off with a storyline somewhat similar to the more recent Old School. Accepted is by no means in the same league as the aforementioned classics, but it has a similar tone – it also shares a few common elements with Animal House. When I first read the synopsis of the film I was immediately doubtful that they could make such an outlandish premise work. There's only so far that suspension of disbelief can take you.

Justin Long plays Bartleby Gaines a popular kid in High School, who fooled around a little too much and hence received nothing but rejection letters to the many colleges where he applied for admittance. Naturally his parents are none-too-pleased by this development and in order to ease their disappointment he comes up with a rather far-fetched notion of creating a phony college that sends him an acceptance letter - typed on official letterhead that he creates on his computer. To further sell his reuse he gets his buddy Glen (Adam Herschman) to quickly create a website for the South Harmon Institute of Technology. A sister school to the prestigious Harmon University that so many of his ambitious classmates (including Glen) will be attending.

Things begin to get out of hand when Bartleby (B's) parents insist on having a chat with the Dean of S.H.I.T. Enter Lewis Black, an uncle of Glen's who washed out as a professor years ago, but cleans up well enough to pass for a Dean. The major problem B faces, however, is that he now needs an actual facility. So together with a few of his high school classmates whom also failed to be accepted to college (Maria Thayer – Strangers With Candy) (Columbus Short – You Got Served) they find an abandoned mental hospital and in the space of a 2 minute montage have slapped together enough of a "college" to fool Mom and Dad complete with dorm rooms and Dean's office. Again if you're willing to just say "screw it - I'm here to enjoy myself" Accepted can work. Justin Long has come a long way in a short time. His timing and delivery are remarkably confident – almost like he watched Ryan Reynolds when they did Waiting together, picked up on what Reynolds does well and jettisoned the things Reynolds does wrong and has set his sights on becoming a new-age Chevy Chase. He was very impressive, just when you thought he'd cross the line into smarmy-land he'd pull back.

After managing to fool his parents into believing that a run down old loony bin is a fine institution of higher learning, bigger problems begin to present themselves. For example not only did Glen make the School's website look legit, he made it operational. Thus, just like that scene from Weird Science, when the doorbell rings, we open it to find several hundred people eager to come in. In both cases they came to party, only in Accepted it's under the guise of going to college. What to do with all of these all American rejects? Naturally if they turned them away they'd be no better than the colleges who'd rejected them, not to mention the fact that every last one of them is prepared to hand B a tuition check for $10,000.

Meanwhile at the real Harmon University Glen is being hazed mercilessly by a bunch of fraternity douche-bags similar to the ones we all knew and loathed in Animal House. A subplot develops with the evil Dean of Harmon (Anthony Heald, Hannibal's last supper in Silence of the Lambs) that involves his wanting to buy up the land where the Loony Bin once stood and he puts one of the Hitler youth in charge of taking care of the dirty details. The frat boy's girlfriend is the lovely Blake Lively (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) who eventually becomes the object of B's desires. I'm not going to tell you if and how the shit hits the fan, I'll just say that there are enough entertaining bit parts and just genuinely funny situations to give Accepted a marginal recommendation. The film loses steam at about the hour mark and the final courtroom-like finale is a compendium of played-out clichés about acceptance and tolerance in a world that has become increasingly fractured and impersonal. I don't know what all these damn words mean, Accepted made me laugh enough times to thumb it up, I could have saved myself a lot of time if I'd have just started off with that. That's what I get for going to college.

At The End of the Day

After this screening we made our way back down to the Convention Center and took our seats for the final event of the night, the fantastic and joyously scathing documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated. This is a funny, and somewhat sobering indictment of Jack Valenti and his secret society known to most as the MPAA. See Adam's Comic Con Report #1 for a full review. Before the film I met Jon Reeves from imdb and proceeded to get on my knees and beg him to include us in the external reviews section. They used to use ours, I told him – how can I make that happen again. And then I pretended to cry and claimed to have an incurable disease. It may seem like a trifling matter to you, but it's probably the most effective back link in the biz – ask any webmaster if he treasures his back-links and you'll see a man possessed by strange and alien powers.