Comic Con - Boneman's Report 2

"You probably think I augment that bulge you're staring at, take it from me that's nothing but the long dong of the law."

Day 2

I guess I've never considered myself to be a geek or a nerd, but I've never had anything against them – deep down we're all insecure (Brad Pitt has an inner nerd). The thing that's cool is these people that dress up as Star Wars characters aren't insecure, they're not worried about being cool, and in that sense they "are" cool. There's just no making fun of them, they don't have any hang-ups, they don't care what people think of them. My helmet is off to them. Next year, I'm gonna dress up as Woody Allen from Sleeper.

Warner Brothers Presentation

The Reaping

They opened with a clip from the film which involves some bizarre biblical plagues (Exodus not Revelations) that suddenly begin occurring in a Louisianna Bayou community. Water has turned to blood, locust have gathered in suffocating numbers and literally cover every inch of certain areas. In the center of it all is a spooky young girl (Anna Sophia Robb – Winn Dixie) who seems integrally tied to everything that's going on. Called to investigate is a professional myth-debunker played by Hilary Swank. The teaser definitely piqued my curiosity, particularly a scene where you see Swank run into the girls' house to be encountered by the girls hysterical mother. The crazed woman is paralyzed with fear and asks Swank frightfully "have you come to kill my daughter" when Swank sets her mind at ease by saying "no, of course not" the mother screams "why not?" Cool.

The panel consisted of director Steven Hopkins, and actresses Hilary Swank and Anna Sophia Robb. Swank was somewhat interesting, while Robb (the poor man's Dakota Fanning) answered her questions like a child, which was actually kind of refreshing given that I've seen Fanning field questions like a Harvard grad student. The real interesting point that the panel discussion brought to light was that the shoot was plagued for real - by Hurricanes. Katrina was bad, but the second one pretty much stopped the production cold.

The Wicker Man

Mormon auteur Neil Labute came out solo for this presentation, it was a little strange he didn't appear to be interested in catering to the crowd – true In The Company of Men and Your Friends and Neighbors, et. al are not exactly the kind of films that this crowd is into, but he seemed a bit closed-off nonetheless. Mormons, sometimes I think I'm the best representative of the religion. I'm just a regular guy, nothin' to be afraid of, come join us. In any case there seemed to be a great amount of interest in this film, and the one thing that came out of the Q&A is that the strange town at the heart of the film is actually a maternally-ran society (ran buy Ellen Burstyn) as opposed to a Paternal society from the original.

The Clip was kind of a shocker, Nicolas Cage pulls over a station wagon driven by a women who has a recalcitrant daughter who has thrown her doll out the window. When cage pulls them over he picks up the doll and gently chides the child about littering and hands the doll back to the girl. No sooner does he return it to her than she throws it right back out with a smug little look on her face. Cage patiently goes to retrieve the doll again and when he stoops and turns back a diesel violently rams the station wagon taking out the women and girl in a fiery explosion.

After a few more questions Labute took off. Maybe he had somewhere to be?

Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix

We didn't get much from the folks at Hogwarts, Daniel Radcliffe appeared in a taped message that was actually kind of cute, it was obvious to see that Radcliffe has turned into a very confident performer, and his comic timing as he was trying to talk about "the kiss" while director David Yates is purposely trying to keep him from revealing any details about the smooch heard round the world. Radcliffe who turned 17 on July 23rd, talked about a few things from the Order of the Phoenix, there will be centaurs, we'll meet Hagrid's brother, and the cast will include Helena Bonham Carter, Imelda Staunton, and Ralph Fiennes as Valdemont. Personally I can't wait to see Ronald and Harry lock lips.

Superman

I don't think I'll burn up to much room on this report, because I know Adam will write reams on this one – he's a supes nut. I do want to point out a few things that I noticed. For example I have a sneaking suspicion that director Brian Singer is (gay). Actually he's just a few degrees shy of being a flamer. Personally I could care less and of course I knew this going in, but I was surprised just how obvious it is. He was quite brave to show up and face what I figured would be a shitstorm of criticism, but to everyone's credit (with a few exceptions) the Comic Con crowd is remarkably polite and respectful. I, for example, might have been tempted to ask how much of the 200 million dollars allegedly spent on the film, wound up in his back pocket? It didn't appear to me that it made it to the screen.

Singer was joined by iconic director and original Superman helmer Richard Donner which was pretty cool, he added a lot to the mix and quite honestly I think he came to offer Singer a little back up in case he needed it. He didn't. Singer defended his somewhat actionless and lackluster film by explaining that he wanted to establish the characters, so that once the action kicks in big time as he promised in the sequel to come out in 09. He explained that in order for a lot of action to really be effective you have to be somewhat emotionally invested in the characters, you have to care about what happens to them or all the action in the world is nothing more than fireworks. He makes a good point here, no doubt. He was also quite eloquent in his defense of the illegitimate Super baby, that one fan felt compromised the moral fiber of the Superman Mythos. But the main thing the fans wanted to know was whether or not Superman Returns would be included in the upcoming Anthology? The answer seemed to be No.

In any case I was most impressed by Singer and at the end of the panel, Donner exhorted the crowd to give him a standing ovation, to which they willingly obliged.

Fox 2000 Presentation

Eragon

Fox is just plain giddy about this one. They trotted out Fox exec Elizabeth Gabler and Director Stefen Fangmeier and other surprise guests I'll get to in a bit. Fox is clearly counting on this one to bring the Christmas money flowing into the coffers. It's clearly an expensive production that stars the likes of Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Garrett Hedlund (the famous recipient of the now legendary Lyndsay Lohan blowjob) Djimon Hounsou and a cast of thousands. Gabler recounted the interesting story about the worldwide search for the title character. I guess they were pretty damn picky about it, and they'd gone beyond the eleventh hour, even to the point of postponing principle photography, until she received a call from one of their head hunters in London, with the news that they'd found Eragon in the person of a complete acting novice with golden locks and a California beach boy smile by the name of Edward Speleers.

After a clip of the film they introduced Edward to an uproarious welcome from the ladies of Comic Con and the poor lad went beet red. He was actually pretty well spoken and humble and it was not lost on him that he was one of the luckiest bastards to draw a breath since Ringo Starr. He bore a bit of a resemblance to the kid who got to run around naked with Brooke Shields in The Blue Lagoon (another of the worlds amazingly lucky bastards) The clip they showed was impressive – it looked as much like Lord of the Rings as Eragon sounds like Aragorn, but there wasn't as many orcs and creatures and so forth, Eragon is a dragon rider, one of a rare breed who are born to ride the skies astride the fire breathing reptiles. For action-fantasy heads it looks to be a nice Christmas gift.

Reno 911 – Miami

One of the stranger aspects of Comic Con, is the quick lesson in adult behavior and vocabulary that the many kids in the audience receive. There are a lot of kids and an amazing amount of grown up subject matter on display Ergo the next two presentations from Fox. I will say, however that they were among the most hilarious things we witnessed. Taking the stage in costume were my favorite 3 members of the 911 crew Thomas Lennon, (Dangle) Ben Garant, (Travis Jr.) Kerri Kenney (Trudy Wiegel). The clip showed the squad making asses of themselves and making a mockery of law enforcement. Afterward the three actors pretended to be indignant at being portrayed as bumbling idiots, claiming that the film had been edited to only show these occasional lapses in their law enforcement abilities and never showing the heroic acts that they perform on a daily basis. Their deadpan antics were hilarious and festooned with a good bit of colorful lingo not intended for the ears of anyone younger than 15. Two nights later Lennon and Garant would be present to introduce another film by the Reno 911 troup called Balls of Fury, but I'll get to that later. Lennon is just plain hilarious – when he first took the stage, he claimed that he requested a picture with Eragon (Edward Speleers) as he exited the stage, but he took off running? It must have been those short shorts.

Borat

Not only was the clip presented for Borat the most uproariously funny and audacious thing I saw at the Con, but may very well be the most insane thing I've ever seen in my life. Borat/Ali G/Sasha Baron Cohen made a grand entrance that took him through half the length of the enormous hall, taking the stage to thunderous applause. Before the clip he spoke of his homeland and his sainted mother, whom despite having the brain 1/3rd the size of a mans (like all women) she was an astounding women who let herself out of her own cage when it came time to give birth to his 14 brothers and sisters all at once. He continued with his mock-political incorrectness until he introduced a clip from his film, the full title of which is Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

The film is basically a road movie that features the hilarious Borat touring America in order to pick up pointers that he may bring back to his native land for the betterment of his countrymen. During the journey Borat becomes enamored of Pamela Anderson and begins a solemn and holy quest to make Pamela his bride. He has a magazine with her picture and knows he must seek her out in California. He is accompanied on his journey buy his uncle Azamat, who Borat discovers using the photograph of Pamela to make a "hand party." Having just emerged from showers both men are naked and the fight scene that ensues is without question the most hysterical 3 minutes of film you'll ever see. Afterward it was announced that there was an Ice Cream truck parked across the street from the convention center that would be handing out free passes to a screening of Borat that night at 9:00. Let's just say we sprinted across the street, dodging cars, trolleys, trains, rickshaws and hundreds of like-minded fans to get those tickets. I was pushed to the ground and trampled by an unrelenting torrent of Borat fans, but I didn't care, because when I was finally able to scramble to my feet I found Adam with a big smile on his face and four tickets in his sweaty paw. It was worth it. Borat is the funniest film I've seen in ages. I laughed practically nonstop until I literally was unable to laugh anymore, at which point I just grinned. Check out Adams review in the Movie Review section. Long live Ali G.

Pathfinder

This one looks pretty good. It centers around the alleged first outside visitors to the North American continent, before Columbus it is said that the North Eastern part of the continent was visited by a brutal and bloodthirsty band of Vikings who killed without remorse and plundered until they were sated. The panel consisted of director Marcus Nispel and producer Christopher Shied. Their discussion of the Viking mythos and the minutia of how they came to design the Vikings the way they did became somewhat dull, but the teaser clip they showed was anything but. The story involves a band of Vikings who set land and reek hell on a peaceful Indian tribe, but during the attack one of the Indian braves kidnaps a young Viking boy. The tribal elders sense that the boy has an important destiny so they raise him as one of their own, though it's clear that he is different. The Viking boy is played as an adult by (LOTR vet) Karl Urban – his character is known as Ghost and years later the Vikings return to search for the missing boy, but by this time Ghost's allegiance is with his tribe and the brunt of the film is his battle to protect the tribe form the Nordic hordes who come to rescue him. The film also stars Ralf Mueller and crowd favorite Clancy Brown, who popped up onstage to thunderous applause and was engaging in his discussion of the film, the shoot and past roles. The film is tentatively scheduled for a Dec 24 06 release.

Southland Tales

Being a huge fan of Donnie Darko, I was extremely interested in figuring out what this Southland Tales thing is all about. Word on the blogs hasn't been very flattering and the panel discussion did little to bring the film into any better focus. Richard Kelley showed up with an LA comedy troupe in tow – including Shannon Holmes, Abby Mcbride, Sean McKittrick and others. I know that's kind of vague, but everything about this film is hard to pin down. If I remember correctly the film is broken down into 6 chapters. One of the vignettes was discussed involving a man who is disfigured by friendly fire in Iraq while guarding a repository of an alternative fuel. For some reason he begins to inject this fuel and something happens. I'm sorry but that's about all I got, and I was paying attention.

What I can discuss with some degree of accuracy is the strange and diverse cast. Southland Tales stars The Rock, Seann William Scott, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cheri Oteri, John Laroquette, Jon Lovitz, Nora Dunn, Wallace Shawn, Kevin Smith, Mandy Moore, Miranda Richardson, Amy Poehler, Justin Timberlake and Christopher Lambert, just from the cast alone you have to be interested in this thing – but the early buzz hasn't been particularly kind. Then again Donnie Darko was not well received initially, but has grown into a huge cult fave. Personally I'm rooting for this film to do well, anyone capable of putting Donnie Darko on the screen will always have my support, I just wish the panel would have yielded a little more cogent information.

Truth be told we were forced to leave this panel before it was over, in order to make it to a screening of a film called Blood-O-Ween. The director of the film Nate Fackrell, is a longtime friend of zboneman and has written reviews in the past. He's a cool guy and his film was very entertaining and it was just cool that it was chosen to be screened and participate in the short film competition.

Accepted Barbecue and Kegger.

On our way to screenings of Borat, Clerks 2 and The Descent there was just enough time to drop by this party we'd been invited to. Most of the cast was hanging around which gave me the opportunity to say hi to my new friend Maria Thayer. Maria showed some sharp comic chops in Accepted and I was happy to see her do so well. I ended up talking with her for some time at Cinevegas, she was being squired that night by Conan O'Brien writer Andy Blitz (the guy that does the wacky sports chants). She had a substantial role in Strangers With Candy and since that film's star Amy Sedaris is the sister of David Sedaris who is the only humorist whom I believe is funnier than the Boneman we had that to talk about, but mostly she was one of those amazing redheads with the milky white complexion, lightly flecked with freckles and the kind of heavenly breasts that can cause one to digress terribly from the topic at gland, I mean hand. In any case I had a chance to renew our acquaintance at the kegger and we shared a burger and a beer. Cool.

Borat (screening)

I think I've praised this film sufficiently, I'll just once again mention that the audience laughed so frequently and loud that it caused me to miss a number of jokes, and suggest that you could make a case that it's the funniest film of the century. In terms of almost non-stop laughter I can't think of a film that could beat it.

Clerks 2 (screening)

It wasn't part of the plan to see Clerks 2 at this point, but we were just sort of standing around the lobby of this big cinema, trying to decide what to do to kill the couple of hours before the screening we were planning on hitting for The Descent. I was just wandering around and sort of walked into the theater where Clerks 2 was playing took a seat and decided that this would be the perfect way to kill a little time. You can read my review of Clerks 2 in the movie section. As I mentioned in my review it was a bit unfair to watch any comedy after the riotous experience that was Borat, but if anyone could hold their own it would be Kevin Smith.

The Descent (screening)

I got in a bit late due to my decision to go see Clerks, but I didn't miss too much. All I can say is that if these three films are any indication the state of movie making is in awfully capable hands. Descent is unquestionably the scariest film I've seen in my adult life. As a teen I was scared by The Exorcist, in college I was frightened by Halloween, and Alien. Ten years later I got a good scare out of Jacob's Ladder, and recently I've been genuinely scared by The Ring, Saw, and Hostel. I can honestly say that the Descent deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as these truly scary films. Claustrophobic, believable, well paced, with some truly scary creatures – my vote for the scariest film of the year. Saw 3 and Hostel 2 may best it, but I'd bet otherwise. I believe it's opening widely toward the first of August, go see it.

Adam and the Boneman Prove that They're Total Nerds

After The Descent we walked past the convention center to learn that there were already people in line for the following mornings activities. We knew it would be the biggest day what with Tarantino, Rodriguez, Kevin Smith, Frank Miller and a panel for 300 on tap, good seats were going to be earned, not lucked into. We had planned to go grab a couple hours sleep then drive back around 5 in the morning, but with people already camping in line, we decided to set up some folding chairs, make friends with the folks in line, go take a quick shower and come right back with sleeping bags. And so it went. It was 3:30 in the morning when we rolled up with pillow and bag. It turned out that all of the people in line with us were there to see Gerard Butler (Phantom of the Opera) who would be on the panel first thing for Frank Miller's Spartan epic 300. I managed to go right to sleep and was congratulated for my sonorous snoring. I awoke to a hot morning (by San Diego standards) fluffed up my hair and were soon being asked to do spots for both TV and internet broadcasts. We had a good time with this, referring to the surrounding women as Gerry's Kids. One of the interviewers asked me if I knew how much I look like Peter Jackson, to which I inquired the fat Pete or the skinny Pete? Fortunately they were referring to the latter. I get that a lot as well as the Kevin Smith thing. Smith is a more accurate assessment and the fact that my name is Kevin Jones makes it all the more heartbreaking that he's rich and famous and I'm just sexy and beloved.

Look for Report 3 shortly, to include Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Kevin Smith, Frank Miller, Beerfest, Will Eisner's Spirit, Narnia: Caspian Prince, Ghost Rider, Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, The Grudge 2, Transformers, The Hitcher and a panel for 300 on tap, there's just too much good stuff.