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Twisted Knickers (New)

Twisted Knickers (New)

It was nice of my long lost niece Maddy to pinch hit for me while I popped up for a bit of a holiday to my old stomping grounds on the Cape. How sweet it was, basking on the poop deck of the "Bone Voyage," enjoying a snifter of brandy at the Yacht Club with my old Dartmouth Dawgs – Skip, Zip, Biff a... [More]

[Tue Aug 24th, 2010] Written By: The Boneman

The Things We Do For Love

The Things We Do For Love

The Things We Do For Love Sorry about last months bungle, the title "where the hell is purgatory" was a reference to a bit that I cut out at the last minute because my piece was too long (story of my life). As a result of some serious snafuage with the office computer network, not only did the w... [More]

[Tue Jun 1st, 2010] Written By: Boneman

Porn Again

Porn Again

So when we left off last month I was about to engage in the first honest to goodness fight of my teenage career. Though my opponent, was three or four inches taller than myself, he was pretty much as geeky a twerp as you'd ever hope to fight. Though I couldn't imagine that beating him was going to d... [More]

[Sat May 8th, 2010] Written By: Boneman

Podium Bling

Podium Bling

Between the Jazz and the Olympics it's been hard to find time to get any writing done - as of press time the Jazz have won right around 20 of their last 25 games. Yet, believe me, when I consider what happened to the Tonight Show after my casual mention of Conan and Jay, I worry that any reference t... [More]

[Mon Mar 8th, 2010] Written By: The Boneman

Feeling Fined.

Feeling Fined.

In my last column I was making a point about what a no-brainer it was to come up with Tiger Woods jokes and happened to make an off handed reference to Jay Leno and Conan. I just want to say right off the top that I'm terribly sorry and that I had no idea it would come to all this. How bizarre wou... [More]

[Tue Feb 2nd, 2010] Written By: The Boneman

Breaker One Nan, Tiger Beat

Breaker One Nan, Tiger Beat

Breaker One Nine Tiger Beat - What's Your 2010? "Copy that Bogey Man, just rolled into Temple Town, with Calendar Girl riding Shotgun, cummo back." "That's a big 10-4 Good Buddy, looks like we got ourselves a Convoy decade!" Or for those of you younger than 40 - you've got yourself a gauge of Sho... [More]

[Mon Jan 18th, 2010] Written By: Boneman

The Tip of Your Tongue

The Tip of Your Tongue

How frustrating it can be to have something lodged between the synapses of ones' cortex. A person, place, thing or some tidbit of trivia that only managed to get semi-conducted to your tongue, and there it dangles maddeningly out of reach of your voicebox – usually at the expense of your sanity. Now... [More]

[Sat Sep 5th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman

And That's The Way It Is

And That's The Way It Is

I think we're on the threshold of an era when just about every day someone famous is going to die. Now that the advent of television (in every home) is 50 years old (give or take) there are plenty of TV celebrities getting awfully long in the tooth. Within days of Michael Jackson two of the most bel... [More]

[Tue Aug 4th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman

Speak of the Devil

Speak of the Devil

With my kids spending a week with their Grandfolks up North in the bucolic splendor near Park City - I sat in my deserted home and discovered the coolest thing – televisions have an OFF switch! How wonderfully strange it was to have the Disney Channel's relentless bubble gum brainwashing babble sile... [More]

[Mon Jul 20th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman

Old Naked People

Old Naked People

Did I mention I'm going to Massage School? I can't remember - or more accurately I‘m too lazy to go back and check. Anyway the school part is pretty much over and I've now entered the phase referred to as "clinic." The portion of our educational journey where we set away our pencils and books and wa... [More]

[Tue Mar 31st, 2009] Written By: The Boneman

Using My Religion

Using My Religion

I wish I could tell you that my relatively recent return to the good graces of the LDS church was the result of some inspiring saga. A grand tale of the forces of good and righteousness conquering the malevolent forces of evil which, set to music, would be a staple on the Fireside circuit for years.... [More]

[Thu Feb 26th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman

Calling a Spade a Small Gardening Shovel

Calling a Spade a Small Gardening Shovel

Do you ever wonder if you're still attractive? It crosses my mind from time to time as the years continue to wrap around me like extra layers of clothing. I'm not talking like "Hollywood pretty-boy sexy" (we can't all be Mickey Rourke) but it'd be nice to imagine that you could still stir up a littl... [More]

[Sun Jan 11th, 2009] Written By: Boneman

Fear Its Self

Fear Its Self

Okay, whatever you do, don't look now, just be cool and keep walking, but I think somebody's following us...I dunno, just chill, walk a little faster, we'll be alright...Dude I told you not to look...ssshhh...I know he's a big white dude - and unless he's a big blind dude he just saw you turn around... [More]

[Mon Dec 8th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman

Respect Your Elders

Respect Your Elders

I've recently gone and done something that has left most everyone that knows me in a state of stunned, disbelief. I would have to imagine that many of you envision the Boneman as a somewhat funny, but mostly fuddled old skeeze, transgressing his way through life - a mere bus collision away from eter... [More]

[Fri Oct 10th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman

That Certain Part of a Man's Body

That Certain Part of a Man's Body

Don't worry - I'm not gonna go off on another long-winded election rant. I was just wondering if Bill Clinton likes it when other prominent politicians get caught with their pants down like he used to do so prolifically. Does it make people forget about Monica and the gals or does it just refresh o... [More]

[Mon Mar 31st, 2008] Written By: The Boneman